Five for Ten: Lust

May 16, 2010

I must say, I was a little disgruntled with Jen and Sarah when I saw the 4th topic for Five for Ten Again. Lust.



I have been married for nearly ten years! I have two kids! And a stepkid. And Harryboy and Twinkle the Gay Russian Dwarf Hamster. I have to schedule sex with my husband.

Sorry, honey, you probably don’t appreciate me sharing that, but honesty is kind of key here.

If your life is so busy that you have to schedule sex with your husband (and yes, oddly enough, it does work for us) how do you conjure Lust?

I don’t mean desire. That I can do. Actually, when I know that nookie is on the books, I think about Captain Sexypants often during the day, play music that gets me a little frisky, take time to groom the hedges and hey! If you nurture desire, it will come.

But Lust? Lust is made of more ferocious stuff. Lust, to me, is reckless, sudden, maybe insecure and jealous. Lust can turn on you–when you crave something you can’t have, does it take you to a tenuous place?

Lust is hard for me, because honestly? I’m so spoiled that I actually have everything I really want. I do.

I was griping to my friend Kristen at Motherese the other day about my writer’s block concerning Lust. “I know,” she said. “We’re in the small-kid stage of life–lust is hard.”

And then she came up with a brilliant idea that she was kind enough to let me steal. A few weeks ago Liz at But Then I Had Kids tagged us with The Plastic Joy award.

You can get the details here, but here’s the down and dirty explanation. If tagged, you need to list (and then explain your reasoning) 5 characters you’d like to do the horizontal whiplash with.

Notice I said characters, not celebrities or people. Celebrities are boring. But characters? In books, movies, t.v. shows, comics? Oh, those are good fun!

When Kristen and I were tagged, we were excited, because how much fun is that? And then, of course, we got distracted and didn’t get around to it. But we meant to. And now! Poof! Lust falls into our laps!

So, without further ado, I present to you TKW’s Lusty Wish List of Yummy Characters She’d Like to Do the Sexy-Time With:

(in no particular order)

~Roger Sterling (Mad Men): I love Roger’s snark-sharp wit and easy charm. Nobody throws a wry, well-timed quip like Roger. Sure, he’s a cheat and a rascal, but I’m just shagging the dude, not marrying him. Plus, a date with Roger always involves cocktails. You always have me at cocktails.

Favorite Quip:
Roger: (talking to Joan, his mistress) Are we actually gonna get in a fight over a movie? You know, Mona had a dream once where I hit the dog with a car. She was mad at me all day–and I never hit the dog. We don’t even have a dog.

~James Bond: Now before you beat me up for this one, I have to say that I’m going to be picky about my James Bond. I’m only making room in my bed for one of them–and it’s not the one with the gadgets or the gimmicky car or the cheesy lines or the misogynistic attitude. Nuh-uh. My bed belongs to the James Bond of Casino Royale and Quantum of Solace. That James Bond is an an-i-mal! A rough, tough, killing machine. That’s the Bond I’m talkin’ about. A man who would throttle, maim and kill any man who messed with me? Drool and swoon.

~Lloyd Dobler (Say Anything): Lloyd is the anti-James Bond. Sensitive, sweet, a little awkward. But what I love about Lloyd is his resilience and his plucky attitude. Lloyd Dobler thinks he can do anything, and so…he does! He just goes for it. And when good things happen to him, he doesn’t question it. He also worries about my feet if there’s glass on the ground, which is adorable.

Favorite quote: The rain on my car is a baptism, the new me, Ice Man, Power Lloyd, my assault on the world begins now.

Runner up: She’s gone. She gave me a pen. I gave her my heart, she gave me a pen.

~Patrick Jane (The Mentalist): Yeah, he’s incredibly easy on the eyes. But what I love about Jane? The irrepresible mischief–that sparkle in his eye. You know this guy has something up his sleeve. He also lives to mess with his co-workers’ heads, just for grins. This guy is a load of fun. Plus, he’s so intuitive, so tuned-in to people’s expressions and body language…it’s almost like sleeping with a chick. Which I can’t say I’ve done, but hey, this is as close as I can comfortably get.

Favorite quote: Messy women make good lovers.

~Jake Ryan (Sixteen Candles): Gorgeous guy, hot car, heart of gold. What more is there to say?

Favorite quote: I want a serious girlfriend. Somebody I can love, that’s gonna love me back. Is that psycho?

And now, I get to do the Honors! Girls, your number is up! I’m tagging:


Naptime Writing

Have fun, ladies! And bonus points if you can come up with a literary character! I felt like the worst former English teacher in the world because I thought and thought about it and came up with nothin’. I SUCK.

~Hey readers, I’d love it if you’d share a character that floats your boat in the comments! It’s all in good fun, you know!

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Sarah May 29, 2010 at 7:16 am

You totally got me with Lloyd Dobbler and this"

"She's gone. She gave me a pen. I gave her my heart, she gave me a pen."

I heart you. And yes, you managed to pull off the Lust post even though I made you squirm….


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