Foolproof Fudge

November 28, 2010

Psst…wanna hear something scary? Four. Weeks. Until. Christmas.

Did you just pee yourself? Because I just about did when I realized it.

Now I don’t mean to be a crank, but right now, the thought of Christmas is about as appealing as a rectal exam.

A few things I’m not looking forward to:

~Constant harassment from the Creepy Meat Man, shilling his “holiday specials.”  Hey, Creepy Meat Man–how about you take your white truck and your four teeth and disappear from my doorstep, as my holiday special?

~Christmas parties. For my husband’s work. There’s not enough champagne in the universe to make these suckers bearable. Plus, pantyhose in frigid weather? Seven kinds of wrong.

~The barrage of shitty toy commercials. No, for the fifth year in a row, you cannot have Moon Sand or Polly Pockets.

~Feliz Navidad on the airways. Enough said.

~Planning Christmas dinner. Am I the only person who dreads this? And who decided that roasts and hams are the official entrees of Christmas? I fear both of those things. Why couldn’t we have decided that, I dunno, Pizza Rolls were the official food of Christmas? My life would be so much easier.

~Gift wrapping. I suckitysuck at wrapping gifts. Every year, it looks like Harryboy wrapped all of the presents.

~The Holday Cookie Swap. Ummm, no, actually, I am not interested in bringing 8 dozen of my favorite Christmas cookie to your house to trade. Because some nutjob always shows up with fruitcake or bourbon balls, neither of which my family will consume.

Sorry, readers, I’m holiday Debbie Downer right now. But actually, there is a silver lining to this. I can help you with the cookie swap thing. Don’t bring cookies. Bring fudge.

This fudge. Because this fudge is hot-dang easy and you cannot screw it up. Really. I’ve screwed up many pans of fudge, but never using this recipe.

Feel free to jazz up the top of the fudge with nuts or sprinkles or crushed candy canes, but it’s just as good without the fanfare.

So here it is, my holiday gift to you. This fudge will save you Hella Lotta time. I think this recipe absolves me of Grinch status. So in return, readers, could you please come over to my house and wrap our presents?  Harryboy is sick of taking the blame.

Foolproof Fudge

recipe courtesy of the Eagle Brand Condensed Milk Can

makes about 2 pounds

3 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips

1 (14-oz.) can Eagle Brand Sweetened Condensed Milk

dash salt

1 cup chopped walnuts (optional)

1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla

In a saucepan, over low** heat, melt chips with sweetened condensed milk and salt. Remove from heat. Stir in walnuts and vanilla. Spread into an aluminum foil-lined (buttered) 8 or 9-inch square pan. Chill 2 hours or until firm. Turn fudge out onto cutting board. Peel off foil and cut into small squares.

**Okay, I lied. There is one way that you can mess up this fudge, and that’s by heating it on anything but low, low heat. Chocolate can be a temperamental little bitch, so you need to watch the saucepan and stir frequently and take the mixture off the heat just when the chocolate melts.  It’s the one slightly high-maintenance thing about this fudge. But it’s worth it.

Not tired of a good rant? Click here for Rebecca‘s!

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Lori @ In Pursuit of Martha Points December 1, 2010 at 9:00 am

1. I am TOTALLY making that fudge.


2. I WANT THAT IMAGE ON A MAGNET FOR MY FRIDGE. Because then I could just POINT to it when my family is making me crazy.

Such a time-saver!


Kittycat December 1, 2010 at 12:13 pm

I am not a big chocolate fan, but my mom loves it. THanks for this. I will share this with her.


Erica@PinesLakeRedhead December 1, 2010 at 5:42 pm

I love making a huge batch of pasta on Christmas Eve. Screw the “traditional” roasts, hams and turkeys.

Is December starting off any better for you?


grace December 2, 2010 at 4:50 am

great. now feliz navidad is stuck in my head. thanks.
i’ll forgive you because i LOVE fudge. :)


jessica December 2, 2010 at 7:06 pm

My husband is horrified by my inability to make wrapped presents look remotely nice. He says they look like a drunk toddler did them.


Cheap Seo Services July 12, 2012 at 1:25 pm

n6ibE8 I think this is a real great post.Really looking forward to read more. Keep writing.


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Zebra Zoologist July 16, 2012 at 5:01 pm

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