Dark

December 17, 2010

I was a drama/music dork in elementary, middle and high school. I actually continued for a bit in college, until my regular coursework interfered. Mama loved Broadway shows, and Daddy indulged her, so my sister and I were shlepped to Sunday matinees once we could sit still for any length of time. I always felt a little rush when the stage lights dimmed and the orchestra leaked the first notes of the Overture. By the time the curtain came up, I was holding my breath, waiting for the magic. I loved being transported to another place and time–Saigon, Paris, a New York orphanage.

In elementary school, my first leading role was Aunt Polly in Tom Sawyer. Naturally, I coveted the more glamorous part of Becky Thatcher, but since I was a good two heads taller than any of the boys who tried out for Tom, that wasn’t happening.

The Tall Years were graced by more of the same typecasting; I was always someone’s mother or the crazy, crotchety old lady. I’d audition and pine for the role of the young ingenue, but in my heart I knew that I’d be donning nutty striped tights, smoking a pipe and smacking Lil’ Abner upside the head for his laziness.

This wasn’t all bad, actually.  After the initial disappointment of yet again not getting to play the pretty girl, I’d sink into my role with greedy teeth. “Character parts” were hoo-boy fun; I’d slip into an accent, a walk, a temperament. For a few hours, I could be outrageous and loud and brash. I could be someone else. Someone who didn’t live in her head and startled at her own shadow.

Interestingly enough, once the Tall Years passed, I still never got chosen for the role of the pretty girl. Somehow, deep down, directors always knew that I was not pretty girl material.  Nope. No sir. The roles I did get after the Tall Years? Eerily consistent. I was the Dumb, Disobedient Slut.

Dumb, Disobedient Slut with the New Tall Girl Destined to be cast as Everyone’s Mother or Aunt


Can I just tell you how much fun I had with that?

Dumb, Disobedient Slut in a Russian do-rag


Forget the pure heart and the happy ending. That’s boring, anyways. At least that’s what I told myself.

My theater days are over, but there were some lasting lessons from the greasepaint years:

~ You can’t always get what you want, but you’ll deal.

~ Sometimes it’s more fun to be colorful than good.

~ You really can over-rehearse.

~ When a show isn’t working, it goes dark for a while.

It’s this last item I want to address today. I’m drowning.  I’m probably dating myself here, but do you remember as a kid, you would take Silly Putty, press it on a newspaper drawing/comic and then stretch it out so it’s all deformed and goofy lookin’? Please tell me some other kid did this…

Anyways, I feel like one of those deformed characters…probably a neurotic character like Cathy.

Point is–I’m sucking hard at a lot of things that I shouldn’t be sucking at. And I feel like I’m teetering on a small, small ledge. So over the holidays, I’m going to be dark. No action over here, except behind the scenes, where they need me most.  I’m going to try to be offline as much as possible (unless I’m working on future posts, which is one of the items on my to-do list), so please forgive my absence. I cherish you readers greatly and hope you’ll bear with me. I’ll be back when I clean up some of the clutter.

{ 50 comments… read them below or add one }

Wendi @ Bon Appetit Hon December 17, 2010 at 6:52 am

Kitch, take a break. Get away from the computer for a while. See you in the new year. Happy holidays hon!

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Phoo-d December 17, 2010 at 6:58 am

Everyone needs a break now and then. Take yours and start over fresh in the New Year! Love the theater pictures and this alto totally understands never being cast as the ‘pretty soprano lead’, ugh. =)

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Ink December 17, 2010 at 7:09 am

You ARE pretty girl material…make that GORGEOUS girl!

Also? Yes, take a break and good luck with everything. It’s a mad time of year, and we totes understand. Hugs, sweetness.

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elizabeth December 17, 2010 at 7:33 am

“No. I like to recharge my batteries, shut down the engines, and get myself back to neutral.” –Vince Vaughn in Wedding Crashers with a big pile of food.

Seriously, though–take the time to disengage and you’ll feel better. Merry Christmas!

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Heather December 17, 2010 at 7:35 am

I don’t think there’s anything about this post I DON’T relate too. I was always type cast as the crochety old lady… I did the silly putty thing each and every Sunday! And I will truly support you as you did me. We all need a technology/wifi break every now and again to get back to what life is really all about. Take your time. Email if you need anything. Know that I’m sending you hugs.
I hope your holiday season becomes a little brighter. xoxoxoxoxo

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Jennifer December 17, 2010 at 8:28 am

I completely understand and think this is something that could benefit us all once in awhile.

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Jessica December 17, 2010 at 8:33 am

Sometimes the behind the scenes work is the most important – enjoy your holiday!

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Erica@PLRH December 17, 2010 at 8:51 am

I know a little too well EXACTLY how you feel. I know how you feel so well that it’s breaking my heart. You have lots of moral support coming your way from sunny Florida. Feel free to email if you would like to commiserate.

Take a break and focus on yourself. We’ll all be here when you come back. Merry Christmas!

PS – Yes, I used to play with silly putty and peel it off the newspaper too. :)

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bryan December 17, 2010 at 8:51 am

Take your time my friend… you deserve a break. We will all be here when you get back.

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Jenna December 17, 2010 at 9:12 am

I agree with Wendi and others–take a break! =) We’ll be here when you come back. Just soak it all up during the holidays.

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BigLittleWolf December 17, 2010 at 9:36 am

I love this one: Sometimes it’s more fun to be colorful than good.

I’m thinking I can embrace that, especially as it is euphemistic for suckage, but hey – it’s all in the spin, right?

(And I don’t know why you didn”t get those pretty girl roles. You’re stunning!)

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Stephane in Alaska December 17, 2010 at 10:08 am

Make your holidays –and your family, and YOURSELF– happy, my dear! There *are* limits to everyone’s resources and you’re wise to honor your own. I hope you remember to give yourself credit where credit is duly warranted.

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Gale @ TDT December 17, 2010 at 10:17 am

I too am going offline for the holidays, starting sometime next week. We all need time in the real world and this time of year is hairy enough without cyber obligations. Enjoy your time off and we’ll see you in a few weeks!!

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Winn December 17, 2010 at 10:20 am

Wishing lots of rest and relaxation for you on your time off — as well as fortitude to get things done. Time for you is always mandatory.

You’re too strong and have too much character to ever be typecast as a pretty dumb heroine. Sluts and character roles always get the best lines and make the show! Use that strength now. You can do it!

Thinking of you in these tough times. :)

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Barbara December 17, 2010 at 10:34 am

Aunt Polly must be the tall girls punishment, because I was Aunt Polly as well. Geez, I hated it. And aside from a couple operettas after that via my glee club, I never went on stage again. The world is a better place for it too.

Anyway, take your time….we all have times in our lives when we need to pull ourselves together. The holidays are tough. Hang in there, my friend.

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rebecca @ altared spaces December 17, 2010 at 10:36 am

I once played Lil’ Abner’s mother. Clonkin’ around in huge hiking boots and pretend puffin’ on a corn cob pipe. Now I’m married to the boy who played my son. We also got to don a different stage in The Music Man. Lucky me, this time I played Marion to his Harold Hill.

I, too, played with silly putty. I remember stretching those faces.

I think about all the ways you’re stretched these days: making guest appearances and juggling multiple columns. You’ve got a pretty big plate at home right now, serious stuff tuggin’ at you and then there’s those smiling girls asking for life to stay normal and cookies to get baked.

I don’t know if this is true for you, but the times I’ve felt most stretched in life are windows into a new era. I don’t recognize myself for a time. Just like those cartoon faces. I become a distorted version of myself because I’m trying to embrace a whole new level of who I want to be…

And then I realize there’s a bunch I need to toss out and leave behind. I need to squish up that silly putty and start over. See what’s new and what’s worth keeping as I begin to find the next picture I want to lift up and make mine.

I hope your rest is nurturing. To yourself most of all. I hope you find something each and every day that feeds you.

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Carol December 17, 2010 at 11:29 am

Taking a break just shows that you, a human being, are as smart as the bears – you know, the ones that know they need to hibernate for the winter so they can be fresh and rejuvenated in the spring? Each of us has our times when we need to curl up quietly in our own safe harbor.

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Cathy December 17, 2010 at 11:53 am

No worries here. I’m dark right now myself. Totally understand.

And, just for the record, I’m not to thrilled about the “cathy” comment. ;-) wink, wink.

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Katybeth December 17, 2010 at 1:18 pm

Don’t go! Stick around and teach me about made from scratch Gingerbread houses–you can act, cook, write, and bring young one’s up….I feel certain you know more about Gingerbread house than any one on the face of this earth. Well except my brother and law the Gourmand…but we don’t have to go there. Wait your post is about You and your needs. Selfish me. Sorry.
I played with silly putty. It was pretty resilient stuff, you could do a lot of things with it and when you thought you lost it–it always turned up again in some odd place. )

Sending you a little Pooh Magic–cause I know what its like when life sucks–I really do. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5G5x3fpfpFI

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Kelly December 17, 2010 at 1:18 pm

I was always too shy and self-aware for theatre, but my sister is an actor. One of her most memorable roles is Pappy. Now-a-days she plays the brother or male lead if there isn’t one. Moral of the story: At least you were female!

I hope the break affords you the time to clear out the emotional landscape. I have to say, this post was beautifully written — what a way to head into intermission!

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Corinn December 17, 2010 at 1:33 pm

Hi! I just stumbled over here for the first time today and love the blog! Cannot believe this is the most recent post though! However, I TOTALLY understand the need for behind the scenes!

Take care and look forward to reading!

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Christie December 17, 2010 at 2:38 pm

I hear you! I think there is something going around. I feel like I am barely holding things together these days…I feel like I am not doing anything to the best of my ability. I am hoping these dark days lead to some lightness in the New Year! Here’s to some “light” coming your way! Happy Holidays!

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Biz December 17, 2010 at 3:11 pm

Love the pictures!! And if you are dating yourself with the silly putty, you are dating me as well, and I think I am much older than you!

Enjoy your time away from the computer – we’ll be here when you get back! :D

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Cheryl @ Mommypants December 17, 2010 at 4:21 pm

Yes. The silly putty. Done it.

Take care, you.

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Yuliya December 17, 2010 at 4:56 pm

This is a fantastic “about to hiatus” (yes the lesser used verb form of hiatus) post, can I borrow it?
I was typecast too, the bitchy witchy character…Queen of Hearts for example…
Happy holidays! See you in the New Year!

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Tiffany December 17, 2010 at 5:24 pm

I’ll be here waiting for you. {{{Kitch}}}

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jc December 17, 2010 at 7:47 pm

COO COO CATCHOO LOOK AT YOU! You make ugly polyester look hawt!

[curtain opens, begin scene]
[jc sitting at piano]
*clears throat*
*cracks knuckles*
*adjusts curly red wig*
jc: This song goes out to Witch.
“THE SUN WILL COME OUT, TOMORROW, BET YOUR BOTTOM DOLLAR THAT TOMORROW, THERE’LL BE SUN………”
[curtain closes, end scene]

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Evan @swEEts December 18, 2010 at 7:01 am

Everyone needs to go dark every once and a while.. I was a theater geek in middle school/high school too :) Take as much time as you need.. the show here will go on and you’ll just have to come in for the next scene! I hope you have a lovely holiday with your family!

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Mary Lee December 18, 2010 at 7:59 am

Give yourself a hug.

Birthdays, Christmas, family, blog… gee, I can’t understand why you’re not stretched out in front of the fire, reading blogs and surfing the net.

Hang in there, Pretty Lady!

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Sherri December 18, 2010 at 9:18 am

Deep breath. The holidays can do this to us “theatrical types” (geek dancer here – class 6 days a week – no time for school dances or fashion – and your “tall years” were my “underdeveloped, look like a boy” years :-). I am feeling overwhelmed here too – cross country, I believe. Seriously – sit, eat, drink hot toddies, calm yourself, and… enjoy the holidays with that beautiful family of yours.

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Stacia December 18, 2010 at 9:44 am

Enjoy the dark, Kitch. We’ll be here when the house lights come up. Merry Christmas!!

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Liz @ Peace, Love & Guacamole December 18, 2010 at 8:58 pm

Totally did the silly putty thing, too!

As for your break…I hope it is filled with lots of hugs and hot chocolate. What better way to decompress?

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faemom December 18, 2010 at 11:17 pm

*hugs* We’ll be waiting. And if you need ANYTHING, just holler.

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Mrs.Mayhem December 19, 2010 at 7:36 pm

Kitch, you are so eloquent. Nothing wrong with taking a break — enjoy it!
Merry Christmas!

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Amy @ Lily's Pad December 19, 2010 at 7:43 pm

Oh, did the Silly Putty on the newspaper, Silly Putty on the nose, Silly Putty on the wall… Just rest and regroup!

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Nancy C December 19, 2010 at 8:36 pm

Yup. I’m almost dark. Kinda dusky. It’s just hard to keep up. Maybe after new years, I’ll be light again.

And there’s nothing like a dumb slut part.

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Rudri December 19, 2010 at 9:15 pm

I remember the silly putty. Love that stuff and the red container that stored it.

If dark is what you need, embrace it. We will be here when you decide to come back. Take care. xoxo

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Falling December 19, 2010 at 11:17 pm

Yes to the stretchy silly putty.

Yes to Tall Girl parts–we should all get together and compare resumes.

And yes, of course yes to your taking a break. Go dark, step back from the ledge. Frankly, it’ll give me time to cross “catch up on Kitchen Witch’s blog” off my list, so it works for me. You know we’ll all be here, drooling, awaiting your return.

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Jane December 20, 2010 at 7:25 am

OMG! I was a dumb, disobedient slut in a Russian do-rag, too! (Except in elementary school, I won the coveted role of Maria in The Sound of Music and my height played a big part for that role) Enjoy your break. We’ll miss you!

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Maria December 20, 2010 at 9:50 am

Hang in there Kitch! Disconnect, recharge, release. We will be here.

And, yes, I remember Silly Putty. And lately, I feel like one of it’s imprints…

Hugs, you!

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Privilege of Parenting December 20, 2010 at 11:49 am

Here’s to using jazz hands in the dark to play with silly putty. All Good Wishes for the dark days and that old solstice turning point. Namaste in the dark :)

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Ingrid December 20, 2010 at 12:59 pm

Enjoy your time off!

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Amber December 20, 2010 at 9:27 pm

I am so sorry that you are going through a “dark” time right now, Kitch. I know that feeling all to well. I hope that this time away gives you the break you need so that you can reclaim some of that light.

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Kate December 21, 2010 at 9:13 am

In the cool, away from the lights, my favorite director helped us make ‘dramatic, visible progress’ to the bits of scenes that needed it the most. Sometime that work was more exhilarating than the bright lights and laughing audiences.
Enjoy that cool.

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ellemck1 December 21, 2010 at 9:14 am

Sounds like a break is in definite order. Hope everything gets easier for you. Take care of you for a bit, as much as possible.

Love theater! I was the only blond in my drama class in high school, so I got cast as the ditz a lot. And then got the best role I’ve ever had as Lady Catherine de Bourg in Pride and Prejudice. Old, MEAN Aunt. :)

Theater Dorks Rock!!

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Emily Z December 21, 2010 at 2:03 pm

Awww, I was wondering why I hadn’t heard from you in a while! You will be missed but we get it. It’s a crazy time of year for almost everyone. I will look forward to hearing your voice again in 2011.

Also, thanks sooooo much for your comment about my husband being hot. He saw it, and it has really gone to his head. ;)

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Contemporary Troubadour December 21, 2010 at 11:45 pm

May you have rest and rejuvenation where and when you need it most.
To a kickass 2011, Kitch.

xoxo

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leslie December 22, 2010 at 8:48 pm

ahhh sorry life sucks ass right now. I went through that a few months ago. I wanted to curl up in a little ball and die. I hated my husband, my kids and myself. Serious depression. Who knows where it came from, but I felt like ass. Nothing made me happy, I was a miserable person. Xanax got me through a lot. But as quick as it came, it went. Us women and hormones just dont get along very well at times. You will see the light at the end of this dark tunnel.

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subWOW December 25, 2010 at 7:48 pm

The real actresses take the small roles, steal the show and make themselves memorable. :-) Love that picture of the Slut. Tis a great line: “I play one on stage.” LOL.

Merry Christmas!

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The Curious Cat December 28, 2010 at 4:28 am

Hey, we will still be here when you get back. Everyone needs a break from time to time. I’m going through a bit of a spell where I feel I have little to write – which is so untrue with all the recent travels but I’m feeling lethargic and tired and my RSI is really playing up and I need to go see a doctor really…anyway, love the photos and I know what you mean about the parts you don’t necessarily desire. I always wanted to be the lead or the main singer…never happened but I did get a few small parts…but the teachers do stereotype and pigeon hole a lot…it never changes…xxx

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