Are all of you wonderful readers gearing up for big-time l’amour next week? Is the Veuve Cliquot chilling? Have you trekked out to the lingerie store and the florist? Are the Godiva chocolates wrapped? Did you book your mid-winter bikini wax at the spa?
Me neither.
I could invoke the Hello? I’m married! excuse, but I won’t. Truth is, I’m just not that invested in Valentine’s Day. In my universe, February contains just one truly important holiday: my birthday.
My birthday is 9 days after Valentine’s Day. In the past, this has been a leeetle bit of a problem.
Problem: Males I dated, worked into a panicked froth by the advertising blitz surrounding Valentine’s day, spent money on thoughtful gifts for February 14. And just like that, the proverbial wad was shot.
Apparently, spending time and money on a thoughtful Valentine’s gift is absolutely exhausting for someone with a Y chromosome. So exhausting that it renders him useless until December.
Now, I’d like to go on record that I’m not a Material Girl. I’m not. I don’t care about jewelry or perfume or overpriced roses. I don’t care about those things on Valentine’s Day and I don’t care about them on February 23. What I do care about? Effort. Because it’s my freaking birthday. The one day out of 365 that’s about me. Moi. The Dane-ster.
I don’t think that it’s excessive to ask for a little fanfare one day a year, do you?
And the crazy thing is, I’ve beaten that point into made that point crystal clear to every boyfriend I’ve ever had. If a man dates me for over 15 minutes, he knows that my birthday is occasion for Stinkus Maximus.
And yet, barring my husband, every male I’ve ever dated has failed to remember this detail. I blame Valentine’s Day.
Those Valentine’s Day commercials turn a man’s happy parts into Shrinky Dinks. Men wither in terror, wander into retail stores, drooling in panic, and are immediately marked: fresh meat. Did you ever notice how smug salesgirls look a few days before February 14? They grin like barracudas.
Those barracudas kill my birthday. Bitches.
Winner of the worst-gift-trophy was a man named J*. I dated J, an edgy, Renaissance-man-part-time-musician, when I was 25. J scraped together enough cash after Valentine’s Day to mark my 26th year with a baggie of jelly beans and a paperback Tom Clancy novel.
I was not amused. I mean, I knew that edgy, Renaissance/musician-type men didn’t have loads of cash to throw around, but I did expect some synapses to be firing.
Not faring much better was a man named P*, who proudly handed me a single, smallish piece of blue luggage one birthday.
“He gave me luggage,” I told my mother.
“I suppose it’s fruitless to assume that the luggage had a plane ticket to Paris in it?”
“Totally not containing that ticket,” I replied.
I dumped P two weeks later and took the luggage to Las Vegas for spring break.
As time goes by and my face collects more wrinkles, my desire for birthday fanfare has waned. Unless it’s a big sucker, like the 4-0, I’m content to mark my birthday with a movie and a nice dinner. And although he’s never complained, I’m sure my husband finds that a relief.
I also have formed a truce with Valentine’s Day. My goodness, time softens us, doesn’t it?
I remain low-maintenance when it comes to Valentine’s Day–give me a card and some kisses and I’m good to go. Although two years ago, my husband totally hit the ball out of the park for Valentine’s Day. He gave me, hands-down, my favorite V-day gift ever. This. Isn’t it absolutely swoon-worthy?
Damn, I’m a lucky girl.
Here’s what I’m making my Valentine for dinner this year. Because baby, you’ve never buzzkilled my birthday. You’re a keeper.
Jalapeno Crab Cakes
from Bon Appetit magazine
serves 4
1 pound fresh crabmeat, picked over, patted dry
1 1/3 cups panko (Japanese bread crumbs)
2 tablespoons seeded, minced jalapeno chiles (if you fear the heat, substitute a mild green pepper or a poblano chile instead)
1 1/2 teaspoons kosher salt
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
4 large eggs, beaten
3 tablespoons canola or vegetable oil
Line rimmed baking sheet with waxed paper. Combine first 5 ingredients in a large bowl. Stir in eggs. Using moist hands, shape mixture into 4 large or 8 small cakes, each about 3/4-inch thick. Arrange cakes on prepared sheet.
Heat half of oil in a medium, heavy, non-stick skillet over medium heat. Add half of crab cakes and cook until brown and crispy on bottom side, about 4 minutes. Flip crab cakes gently over using a spatula and cook until golden, 3-4 minutes more.
Keep crab cakes warm in a low oven until the second batch is done. Repeat procedure, using the rest of the oil and crab mixture.
Serve with salad greens and any sauce you like. We like Remoulade.
*Names/Initials have been changed to protect the emotionally and financially deficient.
{ 52 comments… read them below or add one }
I can completely relate to the whole Valentine’s Day / birthday dilemma. My bday is only 6 days (yes, less than a week!) after V-Day. I’ve never had to pick and choose – it’s pretty much nil either way. I’m okay with that though – it lets me off the hook too I suppose. I am either old or been married way too long.
My Mother’s birthday was mid-May and my father’s, mid-June. They both lost out on any sort of fanfare involving Mother’s day or Father’s day and every gift that we gave them was a “slash” gift (ie. birthday-slash-mother’s day or birthday/father’s day, whatever the case happened to be).
I felt bad for it sometimes. Especially when I was really young and the gift tended to be something hideous that we made at school.
From my 13th birthday to well into my late teens we were moving around the time of my birthday. Not one of those little pack up the u-haul and move across town moves. No, we had to go clear to another state. My birthday was missed. My honey was the first person in a long time to make my birthday special again. No wonder you married your valentine!
Great recipe BTW. We LOVE crab cakes around here so we’ll have to check these out :)
My boyfriend’s birthday is three days after Valentine. He was pretty clear from the start that he realized that two big gifts or such that close together weren’t happening – and that Valentine was negotiable, but his birthday wasn’t. Apparently past girlfriends would just lump the two together and call it a day. I never did. We never did a big thing for Valentine, but I’ve never cheaped out on his birthday either.
You and my dad share a birthday. No wonder I like you so much!
I try not to get all worked up over V-day, though I will admit that last year my flowers came at like 4 in the afternoon on a Friday and I lugged them home on the train because I didn’t want them to die in the office over the weekend without enjoying them at least a little. Oh–and the husband decided to make a trip to visit the family that weekend and came back on V-day, albeit super-late because Amtrak was all messed up, so I was alone for most of that weekend too. He did make it home in time for our screening that night of Valentine’s Day, which was as terrible as we had dared to hope.
This is why I try not to put too much stock in the “holiday”–it’s like an invitation for disaster. I just want to splurge on some good food and drink wine and relax, and this looks like an absolutely awesome option.
These crab cakes look awesome! That is what I would like for Valentine’s Day! Men and gifts…don’t get me started. You would think they could learn such things but alas, they suffer every year just the same! I’m glad to hear that your hubs has never short-shifted you on your birthday. Birthdays are important!
The last time I ate crabcakes (Rolling Hills Country Club, nine years ago) they turned out to be a little ripe. I’ll spare you the details, but let’s just say it was not. Romantic. Or sexy.
I consider it romantic when my husband gets me my Valentine flowers on February 15 … for half off. We’re cheap but in love. What can I say?
That’s what we do, too!
All this blog did for me today was make me really hungry and fall in love with YOU! I really really love you!
Haha, those are some pretty lame gifts. I don’t even know how I would respond to something like that.
On a separate note, the crab cakes look delicious!
In theory, Valentine’s Day has endless potential. Put into practical application, it nearly always falls short. These days, I get the greatest kick from the card. What he chose, what sappiness what written by his own hand. His reward: a feast of sorts…that we get to eat with the children.
Having your birthday that close to a gift-giving holiday is about eight kinds of wrong, much like the luggage with no ticket to Paris…
Crab cakes look scrumptious but alas, Hubby is allergic to crab…((sigh))
I pity the men when those salesgirls turn their evil eyes upon them.
That hand blender is awesome, though. I have a similar one that was a joint birthday gift a few years back (D and I are three days apart in age) and it totally changed the way we cook. Did your husband come up with that idea all by himself? If so, he gets major points on the big board! (And if not, he’s still a sweetie for presenting you with such a great valentine.)
Did you actually get the red Kitchenaid? Love it!
Happy B’Day 21 days early, Dane-ster! (Your crab cakes sound awesome.)
BLW and Maria: yeah, I got that red bad boy with only minimal hints. I call it my Little Red Corvette–boo-yah!
Hey KW, I’ll join with BLW in wishing you early Happy B-Day. As for Valentines day, all I’ll say is that I’m from Chicago and that there was a certain garage on Broadway where the true spirit of a bogus holiday was once commemorated… with hot lead.
Yo, Mr. POP–my good man: I want deets. Guest post next Friday? xoxo
So now I feel the pressure to remember. And I always forget. February 23. February 23. February 23.
And still, 3 minutes from now? It’s gone.
It’s great that he does your birthday right.
As for P the luggage man, that’s pretty ridiculous.
I would be enamored with having these crab cakes for Valentine’s day.
“happy parts into Shrinky-dinks”??? LOL . I’m writing it down in my KitchWitch dictionary of original words and phrases.
I believe I might just kill for that hand blender! ;D
My daughter is nuts for crab cakes. I’ll have to pull her into the kitchen and give these babies a try!
I think the fact that your Mister is the only fella who has remembered your birthday in the Valentine’s fog is proof that you got a good guy. That and the fact that he gives fantastic gifts. Happy early birthday.
That is an awesome gift…no wonder you kept him.
I’m with you on the immersion blender. Best gift my husband has ever given me? My KitchenAid stand mixer for my 23rd birthday. And to think, we’d only been dating a year at that point!!
You are SUCH a funny writer. I know I probably leave this exact same comment, like, every other time you post. However, it’s true. And what’s true can bear to be repeated, oh, at least a million times. So just because I ditto myself, please know that I mean it–the way you spin a tale just makes me laugh.
Pardon me for being brief but I’ve got to set some pork tenderloin to defrosting for MY favorite Bears’ fan!!!!! Oh grief, I have no crab meat–fresh or canned–and there’s over two feet of snow in front of my garage door.
For now, happy February 3. May you receive today whatever your heart desires!
Best,
Bonnie
Crab cakes are one of my favorite all time things to eat.
What a great gift and red… sexy! I think that if I got that for Kris though it would be a little like the time Homer Simpson got Marge a bowling ball for her birthday.
I love crab cakes, these look wonderful!
Valentine’s Day isn’t my cup of tea either. It’s all about spending money and I’m just not down with that – it’s not the true meaning of love. And I can assure, given my aversion for sea food of ANY kind, I won’t be making this.
But your photo looks good….almost, but not quite, good enough to eat.
P.S. I share a birthday with my oldest son. Talk about one’s special day going down in a roar of flames.
I am not a material girl at all either – which secretly I think my husband loves it! :D
My birthday is in March, and tend to celebrate the whole month – my baby was born in March too – she’ll be 19 this year – where the hell did that time go?!
And, um, you had me at jalapeno with this dish!
Happy Early Early Birthday KW! I agree with you about Valentine’s Day. I love sweet somethings on the days I don’t expect it. The unexpected dinner or a treasured book on a non-holiday, non-birthday is best.
Oh, come on. I don’t recall a Valentine’s Day attached to a man when one ever really met my fantasy of what I hope he would do head on. It was almost impossible – poor guys! Now, I am just thrilled with anything out of the ordinary. Fortunately, I thank my God daily for the wonderful man in my life and am so appreciative of his kind intuitive and loving nature… but, if he does go that extra inch on any special day, I am so tickled pink. Men out there – if you think your woman doesn’t care – or she is different than that. You are SO wrong. SO so so wrong.
:)
Valerie
And was it red?
’cause I remember the picture of you in that lovely red dress. Wait–make that “lovely you in that red dress.” Whatever. You are a lovely couple!
I made salmon cakes tonight, similar but different, and they do make a good part of a meal. We ate ours plain but now that I am thinking about it, a sauce would have added to it.
I hope I can get this “panko” at the grocery store. And I’ll have to look up Remoulade. but my hubster and I would LOVE these. And I definitely need a hand blender. fo sho
Joe gave me shoes for every holiday. No he did not have a foot fetish–he just felt very confident in the women’s shoe department. It took a little getting use to but after he gave me my ruby red Keen sandals…I said who needs flowers.
Your red corvette–is very racy and would run circles around anything from the Victoria secret catalog.
Yes. YES! I now have KW birthday in BIG RED Letters on my calendar–Feb 23th.
♥
you’ve clearly found a keeper in your hubby–give him my kudos for picking out a great gift! since we’re talking about great things, i’d like to say that tossing jalapenos into a batch of crab cakes is a phenomenal idea!
“The proverbial was was shot”… OMG. You never cease to amaze me, or to crack me up. And what a great gift from your hubs! I am with you, I could care less about Valentine’s Day, and to that end my husband is relieved because he loathes the holiday. As long as we are together, I don’t care what we do. This year we will have family in town, so it will be even less of a big deal. Even for birthdays we’ve agreed to stop getting each other gifts and just take each other out to dinner. I am again content with that, as long as I am with him. When we have kids, we’ll make a big deal about birthdays, because that’s what you’re supposed to do. ;)
And if you liked those boots of mine, I got them at Target!
I’ve always hated Valentine’s Day. Yesterday I sat with my girls while they decorated construction paper hearts and made me hang them on our window. I gagged a little.
Can’t see what is on the link but see it is cookery related…
I’m ignoring Valentine’s Day this year. Every time a heart or card rack catches my eye I turn my head the other way…my love life is dead right now and I don’t need reminding of it!
Those crab cakes however look lush! xxx
Im not a “Material” type of person either. But I do love Valentines day.
I am one of those suckers that buys into all the flowers and cards stuff.
ALso my birthday is in Jan right after Christmas, kinda stinks, cause by then everyone is broke. So I request alot of those self made certificates for things to be done around my house. : )
So, I got a hand held blender for Christmas from my sweetie and I think it was the most romantic gift he ever gave me.
Totally gotta try the jalapeno crab cakes, I’m thinking this Sunday…
Oh, yes. Sharing your day just stinks. Everyone deserves a grand day. All about them. My husband (then boyfriend) was told quite clearly that if he ever gave me a birthday/Christmas gift, he was done. Now, we did have a few valentines debacles, but thats okay. He did Goidelic at the right tme!
Having nine days is enough time to think a little extra. Valentines day can be so formulaic. Just add roses and your good. Such incompetence! Pathetic.
WOW! These will be a total knock out and I am going to make these for sure…I have crab meat in the fridge at work :0)
As for V Day, I once got a big fluffy bear from a guy I was dating and pretty much ended the relationship when it came with a teddy bear hugging a heart card……..horrifying to say the least.
Just one more reason to like you even more x
Try a December birthday, my dear. :(
I get into Valentine’s Day with cards….and kitchen. I usually make something fun (and red) (and fattening) but other than that? Nothing. And that’s all I want from anyone, a card letting me know they are thinking of me. I don’t like chocolate. Don’t like roses either. I’m easy. I have a deskful of cards right now, ready to go to all those I love. And cookies ready to post!
Barbara, Miss D. has a December birthday, and she always gets shafted. We always try to make it up to her with a Half-Birthday celebration in the summer.
As you know, I am a lemon girl, not a chocolate one, and I much prefer lilies or tulips over roses. But cards? They are golden. Especially those made by hand in Crayola hues.
Oh man, once she starts dating, my daughter is going to hate that her birthday is the day after Valentines Day!
Your writing alone deserves a case of champagne! Hey, i am like you, no material girl’ I regret it too because one who does not demand does not get!
Happy Birthday and I hope this time you get a thermomix
the crab cakes look awesome by the way, love jalapeños!
So I’m the only one who wound up inexplicably out of a relationship during gift-giving holidays? I’d break up with a him, a him would break up with me, there’d be a fight the day before … never failed!
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