Archives: Of Pea Soup and Edgar Pine

March 29, 2011

Hello Readers! I’m bringing this out of the archives from 2009. The Red Dress Club’s prompt for this week was: Kindergarten.  I couldn’t resist. For those of you who haven’t read this post before, I hope you enjoy it. For more Kindergarten memories, wander over the The Red Dress Club.


Edgar Pine was in my kindergarten class, and, now that I think of it, was probably a vampire. He was that pale, that skinny, that wan. And this was 1974, folks, so don’t even think it was cool to be a vampire back then. Edgar Pine also had one lazy eye that insisted on hunting when the other was fishing.

In a wicked turn of bad luck, I caught Edgar’s fancy. I have no idea why. There’s a pretty good chance that it was because I was the only kid in class skinnier than him. And slower than him.

Which made me Edgar Pine’s prey of choice for a playground game called Kiss and Punch. I have no idea if this game existed anywhere else on the planet, but the cretins on my North Dakota playground loved it.

Kiss and Punch was simple and oddly pointless, but I guess you could say that about Red Rover or Crack the Whip, too. Kiss and Punch went like so: pick your victim, chase victim around the playground until you either corner or tire him/her out, kiss victim and then promptly deliver a hard fist to the stomach.

Edgar Pine always called dibs on me. Come recess time, I was toast. And when he came at me with those mismatched eyes, chapped lips and crooked corncob teeth, I wanted to die. The only bright spot to the whole ordeal is that Edgar Pine packed a pretty weak punch. That sissy.

Further proof that Edgar Pine was some kind of Alien came when our Kindergarten class compiled a book of our favorite recipes. This book was a mother’s day gift and was titled: In the Kitchen with Mom.

It had a red cover and, like most Kindergarten presents, was highly amusing reading material. Kids say the darnedest things.

Consider the entry from my best friend, a little redhead named Missy Fairchild: “My mom can’t cook but my dad can. My favorite thing he makes is pot pie. You take it out of the box, put it in the oven, and when it’s black, it’s done.”

Like many of my classmates, I declared that my mother’s masterpiece was Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. However, I also gave her cred for her bitchin’ Tuna Fish Sandwich.

Edgar Pine’s choice? Pea Soup.

I told you, right? I mean, if you are 5 years old and your favorite food is pea soup, you are obviously sleeping in coffins and swilling plasma, don’t you think?

I actually felt relief when I saw his entry in the cookbook. Aha, I thought. Proof.

My playground horrors with The Vampire ended when Edgar and his Coven moved to Minneapolis. I was happily rid of him.

A week later, I caught the eye of a boy named Darren. Darren sat at my table and was highly talented; he could, with record speed, slurp pickle juice up his nose. But that’s another story…

Mama’s Bitchin’ Tuna Fish Sandwich**
serves 3

1 can water packed tuna, drained
2 ribs celery, finely chopped
1 teaspoon sweet pickle relish
3 tablespoons Miracle Whip Salad Dressing
salt and pepper to taste
Squishy White Bread

Mix tuna, celery, pickle relish, and Miracle Whip together in a small bowl. Season with salt and pepper.

Spread between slices of the Squishy White Bread (do NOT substitute!) and enjoy.

*Edgar Pine is, at the advice of my husband, an alias. He’s afraid that there’s a Vampire in Minnesota who still remembers me.

**I ate this sandwich, alternating with the Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, every day for lunch for my entire Kindergarten career. I think this probably qualifies as Jag #1.

{ 60 comments… read them below or add one }

Abby March 29, 2011 at 4:57 am

This is exactly what I needed to read this morning and I’m so glad I found your blog. Everyone had an Edgar Pine. If they didn’t, they probably were the Edgar Pine.

“Edgar Pine also had one lazy eye that insisted on hunting when the other was fishing.” Quite possibly the best line of this piece, as it immediately drew me into your style and I was hooked (no pun intended, what with the fishing eye and all.)

I couldn’t help but wonder what kind of punch Darren packed though…


TKW March 29, 2011 at 3:24 pm


Darren was even skinnier than Edgar, so his fists had no heat!


Sherri March 29, 2011 at 5:05 am

The boys in our class would chase us, capture us, and lock us in the tennis courts where, on rainy days, the earthworms would have slithered onto the courts en masse. EEwwww!!! Everyone wanted John Graham, a cute boy, to catch them. He was my neighbor, so… he caught me :-). Great memory. Do you ever wonder about ol’ Edgar?


TKW March 29, 2011 at 3:15 pm

The cute boy caught you? I am so jealous. I had no such luck.


ayala March 29, 2011 at 5:43 am

This is too funny :)


Jessica March 29, 2011 at 6:04 am

Very funny! I love your style. Can’t wait to read more from you!


Winn March 29, 2011 at 6:18 am

Ahhh…. I love your memories. :D

And yes, very familiar with the jag idea. Been there, done that, doing that. ;)


HonestConvoGal March 29, 2011 at 7:14 am


I have stopped by a couple of times for TRDC. Your writing has me hooked. I am now an official RSS feed follower. Do you have t-shirts? Can I carry your equipment? Do you want me to make brownies at your shows?

In all seriousness, this is a great piece of writing. Structurally it’s perfect. Your lead characters, you and Edgar, are interesting and dynamic. The object- for him to kiss you and for you to keep him from doing it, are clear. The vampire bit is wonderful. The game? Love it. We had something similar in my middle of nowhere KY town, though I can’t remember what we called it.

My only concerit is that I wouldn’t have gone into the new boy, Darren. This really is your and Edgar’s story. You even throw it away with elipses at the end. When you find yourself tossing it away in the words you use, just delete it. It will make your story tighter.

And I want to know what Sherri wants to know? Do you know what ever happened to his coven and him in Minn?



TKW March 29, 2011 at 3:22 pm


What great feedback! I never thought about ellipses as “throwing words away.” What a tremendous thing–it’s had me thinking, and you are right. I put that bit in there, I guess, to make people wonder about Darren, and hope for a story about him, but that’s rather self-indulgent, now that I consider it.

I don’t have t-shirts or equipment, but you are welcome here any time. :)


Futureblackmail March 29, 2011 at 8:03 am

The Elementary School playground….tis a tough life one leads there!


Lyndsey March 29, 2011 at 8:19 am

Ha! Why is it always the weird ones that liked us in grade school? Or is it just the creepy ones we remember? I was a skinny little thing too, but the kid that liked me looked like Charlie brown. He was really blond with a round head.

I would not of eaten that sandwich or enjoy it. When I was a kid I always thought I hated mayo, but my mom used miricle whip and called it mayo (what a way to mess up a kid) and no pickle relish for me either. I would alway get up from the table at lunch and leave my chair out so the dog would hop up and eat it, or it would get wrapped in a napkin or given to the dog under the table. No wonder I was so skinny!


elizabeth March 29, 2011 at 8:20 am

I think I missed this one the first time around (for shame, Elizabeth!)–delightful. And yes, I think we’ve all had an Edgar Pine in our lives at one point or another.

Props on the choice of alias, as it feels particularly vampiric.


Tracy March 29, 2011 at 8:29 am

This is just perfect. My only criticism is the Miracle Whip, yuck!


Emily Z March 29, 2011 at 9:10 am

Cute story. And this sandwich sounds delicious, although I think I have to agree with Tracy on the Miracle Whip! I could make this for my husband’s lunches at work but he won’t eat M.W. either! ;)


Stacia March 29, 2011 at 9:16 am

Now I’m gonna wake the baby up and go get tuna for lunch from my favorite sandwich shop. If he’s cranky the rest of the day, it’s your fault, Kitch! =>


bryan March 29, 2011 at 9:36 am

Thanks I needed a smile today! what a great story, good picture too what a cutie. You (or your mom) are right about the bitchin’ tuna salad you gotta serve it on squishy white bread… nothing else will do!


Tonya March 29, 2011 at 9:44 am

What fun memories. I like your writing style a lot. Glad I found you.

I wonder whatever became of ol’ Edgar or Darren. :)

I’m not a fan of tuna fish, but I practically lived off of PB&J’s and Kraft Mac & Cheese.


TKW March 29, 2011 at 1:52 pm


Thanks for stopping by! I’m sure Edgar is still with his coven somewhere. Maybe Darren went on America’s Got Talent?


Jody March 29, 2011 at 10:17 am

I thought it was going to go, Edgar kisses you, you punch him. Never saw that twist coming.


Jody Thomas March 29, 2011 at 10:19 am

P.S. – LOVE the photo!


Tiffany March 29, 2011 at 10:26 am

I remember this post! Love it still…and love that picture more.


Roxanne March 29, 2011 at 10:29 am


Of course I’m now worried about Abby’s comment. If we had an Edgar Pine, I either was unaware….or I WAS the Edgar Pine. Hmmm…


Amy March 29, 2011 at 10:47 am

This is so great!!! I love your description of Edgar and your disclaimer. He is a vampire. I agree with you. No 6 year old likes pea soup.

Great post!


Galit Breen March 29, 2011 at 11:48 am

Oh goodness! You wrapped that up with the recipe perfectly! Poor Edgar Pine. And also? Kind of poor Darren. That pickle juice can’t have felt good going um- up?

I loved the humor and the details. I’m in MN. I’ll let you know if I run into Edward. I mean Edgar. :)


TKW March 29, 2011 at 1:48 pm

Beware! I’m sure he’s lurking somewhere, with those wonk eyes and corncob teeth! Thanks for stopping by!


Jennifer March 29, 2011 at 12:35 pm

Oh thank God we didn’t have kiss and punch. We just had chase, and it has held on for my daughter’s generation. She came home the other day upset at one of her friends for “chasing” after the boy she likes. It starts so early. (But then they decided they were on the same team so it was all ok.)

You know I love your stories. And I think you are fabulous. I also love tuna. And miracle whip. How could you not love the tangy zip of miracle whip?


Yuliya March 29, 2011 at 12:55 pm

So many thoughts, am I the Edgar Pine? I hope not!
Miracle Whip? No thank you.
An all around lovely story, thank you Kitch for pulling it out of the archives!


Kelly March 29, 2011 at 1:19 pm

Good memories! My only chased-on-the-playground story happened in 7th grade when Peachy Hickman lost to me at 4square and then said she was going to beat me up for that and not waving at her when she and her mom drove past me and my mom the day before. I’d never run so fast in my life! We ran in a big circle for the entire hour of recess.


TKW March 29, 2011 at 1:47 pm


You were afraid of a girl named Peachy Hickman? For realz?


Katybeth March 29, 2011 at 2:39 pm

I kept waiting for you to say you grew up- tried the soup, it was fabulous –you friended Edgar on Facebook and caught up on old times. He moved to Minneapolis? That is it? God, I am so disappointed. sigh.
Love tuna. I ate a tuna, apple and pecan sandwichs with miracle whip between 2 pieces of white bread everyday for lunch for 12 years. My mom will swear to it.


TKW March 29, 2011 at 3:07 pm


Apple in tuna salad is wrong. So wrong. Can we still be friends?


Dana March 29, 2011 at 3:05 pm

We didn’t play kiss and punch, but an equally pointless and ridiculous game, kissing tag. Recess would start, and it would be boys versus girls. The boys would chase the girls around, trying to kiss them (big at the time yuck!); and at some randomly decided time the girls would start chasing the boys. Nobody wanted to get kissed, nobody really wanted to kiss anyone, but we somehow still played that game most lunches of kindergarten…. A boy named Bryce was my Edgar.


Rudri Bhatt Patel @ Being Rudri March 29, 2011 at 4:26 pm

Kitch, you always know how to tell a story. I was right there with you. As for peas, the only time they show they face is for mattar paneer.


rebecca @ altared spaces March 29, 2011 at 5:22 pm

I’m wondering what aliases people have come up with for me. I was certainly pathetic in elementary school. I’m hoping someone., somewhere calls me Rita. Don’t know why, I just think it’s a jazzy name.


TKW March 30, 2011 at 8:35 am


I have an aunt named Rita. She’s not jazzy at all. How dare she not live up to a name like that!


Heather March 29, 2011 at 7:29 pm

3rd grade. Trent White. He ate glue and loved to flirt with me. I was so nervous when giving a book report cuz’ I knew he was makin’ eyes at me… Skinny little, white haired boy. Vampire? No… Alien? Oh, absolutely!


Alexandraa March 29, 2011 at 8:27 pm


“one eye huntin’ while the other insisted on fishin'”

I shall never tire of you, and though I don’t want to kiss and punch you, I’d like to sit and share a cup of tea with you.


TKW March 30, 2011 at 8:37 am

Come on over, girl.


Papa Guy March 29, 2011 at 9:44 pm

Damn you and Booshy make me laugh……Kiss and punch, holy shit!!!
Kofta this weekend….


TKW March 30, 2011 at 8:36 am

Papa Guy,

Who is Booshy?


theUngourmet March 29, 2011 at 10:41 pm

What a cute photo! Your hair was darling. Mine always looked so silly and plain. I can’t believe I never played this Kiss and Punch game. This story reminds me of a boy named Kit who always clenched his hands into fists by his sides as he walked around. It always perplexed and amused me.

My sister has always loved Miracle Whip. I never buy it but I have eaten it in tuna salad. It’s not too bad really.


TKW March 30, 2011 at 8:38 am

Funny thing you mentioned the hair. Mama didn’t do it. She was having her gall bladder removed so I slept at a neighbor’s house and her mom did it. My hair has never looked better since.


Julie March 29, 2011 at 10:55 pm

I loved that line about his eyes!! you are funny. Loved this. :)


camilla March 29, 2011 at 11:51 pm

You were such a cutie! No wonder he had roving eyes, he wanted to keep an eye on you in every direction- haa,ha.


Nancy C March 30, 2011 at 3:55 am

You are so funny. I just adore it when I come here. Also, this line was so perfectly descriptive: ” And when he came at me with those mismatched eyes, chapped lips and crooked corncob teeth, I wanted to die”



lifeintheboomerlane March 30, 2011 at 5:32 am

Oh, I love this post! I had a great love in kindergarten (Neil Fishbein) and I ate a tuna sandwich for lunch every single day all through elementary school. To this day, a tuna sandwich is heaven. But I’m not sure whatever happened to Neil Fishbein.


TKW March 30, 2011 at 8:40 am


You should Google him. There can’t be that many Neil Fishbein’s in the world, right? :)


Donna March 30, 2011 at 9:37 am

I remember my mom being able to stretch a can of tuna to make 12 sandwiches, always on white home-made bread. I swear she used some kind of Harry Potter-type magic. I can barely get 2 sandwiches.


Barbara March 30, 2011 at 11:15 am

I’m sure Edgar’s father was in my class.


Kat March 30, 2011 at 12:08 pm

HAHAHA! Oh what a perfect read. Thank you! :)


Biz March 30, 2011 at 12:42 pm

I love reading your blog KW! I can picture him coming at you with those lazy eyes!

My daughter, from grade 1 through about grade 11, ate a hard salami sandwich on white bread, a bag of potato chips and a sliced apple – every single day. I once took her to Whole Foods to see if she’d like any other lunch meat – she said good things after oven roasted turkey, honey ham and even pastrami! Yippee!

When I asked her what she wanted to get, she said “hard salami.” :(

At least now at the age of 19 she doesn’t order chicken fingers anymore! :D


Contemporary Troubadour March 30, 2011 at 4:22 pm

How I remember Edgar Pine. But I totally didn’t remember this photo of you, Kitch :). You have ringlets to die for, babe.


Mary Lee March 30, 2011 at 5:29 pm

Once again, the recipe is just icing on the cake.

You should definitely write your memoir.


Tracie March 30, 2011 at 6:42 pm

I had my very own Edgar Pine….only his name was David and he hung around my school and church (there was no escape from this kid!) for four love-struck years. At least he never learned the Kiss and Punch!


Maria March 30, 2011 at 7:31 pm

Shit, Kitch…I must be my grade school Edgarina Pine. I loved Split Pea soup growing up…I forsee many an hour on my therapist couch trying to undo the damage of having that knowledge.

The year I was in fifth grade, the game of choice was Grab Ass. It happened throughout the spring, wherever you could cop a feel. Alas, I was too chicken to do it (I mean, really, who wants to grab anybody’s ass in fifth grade, for heaven’s sakes!) and apparently, my ass was not worthy of grabbing. Boy, they should see my now! It’s all I can do to shrink it!

Love the picture! I think 1973 was a very fashionable year ;)!


TKW April 20, 2011 at 3:35 pm

Grab Ass? Seriously? Wow, you guys were light years ahead of us.


Stephane in Alaska March 31, 2011 at 5:44 pm

You dredged up a memory of a *talent* I witnessed during my wee, impressionable youth. A young man I once knew could summon enough snot from his nasal mucous membrane to rappel a single glistening, slimy strand until it almost reached the ground. Then, with a businesslike snorkel–up it flew, disappearing from sight in a split second.
; ) I think he and Darren should have collaborated and auditioned for AGT together.


TKW April 20, 2011 at 3:34 pm

Dear God, that is horrifying! Eww!


Social Bookmarking July 15, 2012 at 10:14 am

da6EOx Very neat post.Thanks Again. Want more.


Zebra Zoologist July 16, 2012 at 5:22 pm

nice page you should write a weekly newsletter :)


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