Guest Post: Alex@Late Enough

April 30, 2012

Hi Readers! Did Momalom’s 5 for 5 wipe you guys out as much as it did me? I am roadkill, people.

Luckily, my wonderful friend Alex (you know her blog right? Late Enough)? Well if you don’t, you are missing out, because she is seriously awesome and funny and your life will be better with her in it.

Anyways, she offered to guest post for me today, and I’m ever so grateful, and I know you’ll love her as much as I do.  Please give her a warm welcome, and thanks Alex, for saving my sorry, exhausted butt.

*********** :Lumpy Fudge***********

When a parent decides to become a better cook, all recipes and cookbook bought by her should begin with the warning: DO NOT ANNOUNCE YOU ARE MAKING {insert sweet savory food} UNLESS YOU HAVE ALL THE CORRECT INGREDIENTS.

Let’s take the day I decide to make my friend’s easy-to-make fudge.http://www.mylifenotfinished.com/2011/12/lazy-mama-baking-and-candy-making.html I put the ingredients on the grocery list just before Christmas thinking this would be a fun project during our holiday break. By “listing our ingredients” I mean “writing white chocolate chips” because my son and I do not like milk or dark chocolate, and I forget to list the other main ingredient “sweet condensed milk.”

I notice my mistake the following week and stay quiet about the fudge. I also stay quiet about needing the can of milk and instead forget about the recipe completely.

In March, I notice this delicious bag of white chocolate chips and I think of my friend’s fudge. And then I say the vocal equivalent of digging my own grave: HEY KIDS! LET’S MAKE FUDGE.

YAYAYAYAYAYAY fills my home.

I pull out the chocolate and the recipe.  While my kids munch on the chips, my stomach sinks at the ingredients list. I scan my pantry for sweet milk in case a packet of sloppy joe spices made condensed babies with the walnuts.

I turn to Google for substitutes.

I am pleasantly surprised by how many recipes for a homemade version of sweet condensed milk exist until I realize every recipe calls for a can of evaporated milk. Guess what foodies? If I don’t have sweet condensed milk, I probably don’t have evaporated milk just hanging around waiting for its time to shine.

My kids are getting restless and plying them with chips is not enough. The drums begin: FUDGEFUDGEFUDGE.

I take matters into my own blender and decide to make sweet condensed milk with lowfat milk, sugar and hot water from my Keurig.

I mixed it all up, throw in the rest of the chocolate and pop it in the microwave then the fridge.

I announce: When you wake up in the morning, we’ll have fudge!

I should’ve ended that sentence in a question mark because at the 2-hour-refrigerated fudge time, the kids are asleep and the fudge is more like a frozen lake. One which is very unsafe. In other words, I have a single layer congealed on the top and liquid goo underneath. I made the global warming of fudge.

I stir and re-refrigerate hoping the kids don’t ask about the fudge in the morning.

Sadly, lumpy fudge actually is as good as it looks.

The next day, I determinedly dip some strawberries in it like I meant to make lumpy fondue and end up sick to my stomach.

The moral of the story is:

Don’t make your own sweet condensed milk.

or

Don’t eat my cooking.

or

Send fudge.

Probably the latter.

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