Anniversary Edition: The Yummy Dance

September 15, 2012

*Hi, Readers! It’s my wedding anniversary today–12 years with the man who knows all of my oddities and loves me anyway. I thought this old relic of a post illustrates exactly why I adore this guy. Have a wonderful weekend!

 

Do we ever really see ourselves? I remember an old friend of mine, Betty, would catch a glimpse of herself in a shopping mall mirror and then stop, startled. She would look at her reflection, sigh, shake her head and exclaim, “In my head, I always think I’m way cuter than I really am. Mirrors suck.”

Mirrors do suck. Some mornings, I lurch to the bathroom, flick on the light and gasp in horror. What happened during the night to turn me into a 90-year-old prostitute? As I recall, I went to bed looking semi-okay; I mean, my husband wanted to jump me, so it must not have been that bad. But whaaaaa? Who on Earth is that Gorgon staring back at me a mere 8 hours later?

As a writer, I’m constantly scrutinizing people. If I see someone interesting, I’ll narrow my eyes, hone-in, try to absorb every nuance and facial tic. It sort of drives my husband crazy. “Quit staring,” he’ll hiss at me in public places.

When we went to Disney World–the Official Homeland of Freakshows–this spring, I thought he was going to throttle me. I couldn’t stop gawking and rubbernecking to save my life.

For someone so observant of others, I am shockingly un-self-aware. I do strange shit all the time and have no idea. Even worse, when my husband (that obnoxious lout) points out said strange shit, I have the gall to adamantly deny that I’ve done anything weird.

Yeah, I don’t know why he married me, either.

A few months after we’d been dating, my husband took me to a new restaurant. I can’t even remember the name of the place, but it was hoppin’ and full of beautiful people, and I enjoyed myself. About halfway through the meal, hubs furrowed his brow and asked, “Is your dinner okay?”

“Yeah, you want a bite?” I said.

“No, I’m good,” he said, and we continued eating.

A few minutes later, the waitress wandered into the vicinity and hubs asked, “Do you want me to flag her down? Do you want to order something else?”

“No, really, it’s fine,” I said. “Why do you think something’s wrong?”

“Well, you didn’t do the Yummy Dance. At all.”

“Huh? What do you mean, the Yummy Dance?”

“You know, that thing you do when you really like your food.”

“What thing? I don’t do anything.”

“Yeah you do. You know, this.” And he proceeded to show me an exceedingly awkward little upper-body shimmy and head-bob.

He sort of looked epileptic.

“Oh my God. Oh my God!” I was Gobsmacked. “I do not do…Oh my God. You’re right. I do do that.” If I hadn’t been so stunned, I’d have darted under the table in humiliation.

“That’s awful!” I wailed.

“No. It’s kinda cute,” he said.

“Cute? I look like I’m having a medical emergency!”

Later, after the shock dissipated, I called my mother.

“Mom, how long have I been doing this…thing?” I asked. And described the oddity that is the Yummy Dance.

“Not long dear,” she replied. “Only, like, your entire life.”

So I guess it’s settled. A habit so deeply ingrained as the Yummy Dance cannot be extinguished. It is, alas, a Trademark Move. I own it. And it only took me 30 years to learn it existed. So much for those razor-sharp powers of observation.

Post to Twitter

{ 33 comments… read them below or add one }

Sam September 15, 2012 at 10:14 am

Love this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply

Sam September 15, 2012 at 10:14 am

And BTW Happy Anniversary!!!

Reply

Katybeth September 15, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Happy Anniversary to YOU and YOURS! I’m sure the yummy dance is adorable and I know you are a never ending stream of wonderful amusement. You do try to amuse, right?

Smiling… :-D

Reply

TKW September 16, 2012 at 11:57 am

Katybeth,

Even when I’m not trying, I manage to be so awkward that it’s amusing.

Reply

absence of alternatives September 15, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Happy Anniversary!!! I saw the picture of you in the red dress. O.M.G.

If I were a straight man, I’d even put up with the “Elaine dance” for the gorgeous lady in red! :-)

Reply

TKW September 16, 2012 at 11:58 am

Absence,

Thank you! I’ve gotten a bit fatter after popping out two kids, but I did love that dress.

Reply

suzicate September 15, 2012 at 4:38 pm

I love it! Bet your mother got a big kick out of watching you eat dinner all these years!
Happy anniversary!

Reply

Jane September 15, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Thanks for the repeat – I love this yummy dance post! And congratulations, you two! Happy, happy anniversary!

Reply

Ayala September 15, 2012 at 8:40 pm

I love it :) and so does he :) Happy Anniversary !

Reply

The Meaning of Me September 15, 2012 at 9:03 pm

Happy anniversary to you both! Hope you have a dinner worthy of the Yummy Dance!

Reply

TKW September 16, 2012 at 11:59 am

Meaning,

It was a tapas restaurant, so there were many little Yummy Dances going on!

Reply

The Meaning of Me September 17, 2012 at 4:58 pm

OK, this has nothing whatsoever to do with your anniversary, yummy dances, or tapas, but…

I was flipping through my favorite crock pot cookbook looking for a favorite recipe of ours – but despite it’s favoriteness, I couldn’t find the page. So I had to flip through page by bloody page to search. On my way, guess what popped out at me? SHIPWRECK! Right there in print.

See? That stuff was so awesome it made it into a cookbook. :)

Reply

TKW September 18, 2012 at 6:42 am

Meaning,

Arggggggg. Say it isn’t so!

Reply

The Meaning of Me September 18, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Page 113. Serves 8.

Lindsey September 16, 2012 at 4:22 am

Happy anniversary! Our 12th anniversary was 9/9 – I love that we were married within the same week of the same year! xox

Reply

TKW September 16, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Lindsey,

I thought that was great, too!

Reply

Liz @ PeaceLoveGuac September 16, 2012 at 6:29 am

Oh I loved this! Leave it your husband and mother to notice the quirks and enjoy them in silence. So sweet. Too bad kids rarely keep quiet about stuff like this. “Mooom, not that again!”

Reply

dawn September 16, 2012 at 7:34 am

really? the yummy dance – ok, THAT’S hilarious.

Gotcha on the “staring at people” thing. My underlying reason for doing this is my interest in Psychology. Give me 10 minutes for critical observation and I have you totally diagnosed – treatment plan and all! Sometimes I’ll attend something (like the rennaisance festival) for the PURE reason of people watching.

Happy Anniversary you guys!! Happy marriages demand an enormous celebration in current times!

Reply

TKW September 16, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Dawn,

While Disney World is the Official Homeland of Freakshows, I have to give it to the Renaissance Festival. That is DAMN good people-watching.

Reply

Jamie September 16, 2012 at 1:00 pm

People watching RULES! But I also get in trouble for staring. Sometimes it’s too hard not to! I guess I over do it though, given that I consider every restaurant, store, and public place in general a prime place to practice my hobby.

Reply

idiosyncratic eye September 16, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Happy anniversary! I hope you have meal worthy of a Yummy Dance. :)

Reply

Alexandra September 16, 2012 at 3:37 pm

I think this all the time.

Would I like myself if I knew me?

I would love to know.

But how can we?

Don’t you think there should be some hidden camera way of finding out? Like, could we convince our husbands to not let us know they’re secretly filming us, so we could see.

ALTHOUGH: I do know if I ever applied to myself for a job, I’d never hire me. I once saw what I look like when I work. All I do is walk around in circles.

It was awful.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY.

Reply

Jenna September 17, 2012 at 9:29 am

Happy anniversary! And I’m so glad to hear that you have been doing a yummy dance all your life. I think it’s wonderful and endearing and you should own it. =)

Reply

TKW September 17, 2012 at 11:22 am

Alexandra,

I’m pretty damn sure that you’d like yourself if you meet her.

Reply

Kristen @ Motherese September 17, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Happy anniversary, yummy you! xo

Reply

Jennifer September 17, 2012 at 2:12 pm

My friend and I both do the yummy dance. We’ve even talked about it before.

Happy anniversary!

Reply

Paula September 17, 2012 at 4:37 pm

The whole paragraph about the 90 yr old prostitute cracked me up. I’ll be laughing about that every time I catch a glance of myself in the morning. How does it get that bad?

Reply

TKW September 18, 2012 at 6:43 am

Paula,

I don’t know how it gets that bad, but boy, it sure does!

Reply

Paula September 17, 2012 at 4:38 pm

I meant to say “glimpse”.

Reply

elizabeth September 18, 2012 at 7:12 am

Happy anniversary lovely! :)

Reply

Chaya September 20, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Happy Anniversary and feel better.

Reply

Dana September 25, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Happy Anniversary!

My Mister is much the same, he finds the weird things I do “kinda cute”. Is that what love is?

He always knows when I’m worried because I apparently have ‘worry hands’ and clench them into tiny little fists with my thumbs in. He’ll look over at me and say, “Hey, what’re you worried about?” To which I reply: “Nothing.”

He’ll point at them, I’ll think, and then I’ll realize I am worried about something. He’s a mind reader, that one.

Reply

Rudri Bhatt Patel @ Being Rudri October 9, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Happy Happy Belated Anniversary! Cheers!

(Playing catch up with my google reader)

Reply

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: