I finished my writing class this weekend. It was a great learning experience for me–boy, there’s a lot I didn’t know about humor writing! My instructor, Dave Fox, is a humor writer and a travel writer (damn those multi-talented individuals!), and he gave detailed and wise feedback on everything I wrote, as did my classmates. If you’re interested in humor writing or travel writing classes online, you should check out Dave’s Globejotting.com. I highly recommend him.
But man, I worked my (broken) butt off. Whew.
Between writing, editing, and polishing my own stuff, and thoughtfully (I hope) critiquing other classmates’ work and trying to be C-minus Mommy to the Minxes and D-plus wife to my husband, I’m feeling like an over-used tea bag.
Pushing myself out of my comfort zone does that.
That’s why I rarely do it, even though I know I should. I’m the biggest scaredy-cat in the world and I hate myself for it.
I also hate that I always apologize for everything, which I’m going to do yet again, for not having time to visit my favorite bloggy buddies the past few (many) weeks. I am Dana, and I am annoyingly sorry. Now that class is over, I hope to do better.
Pushing myself out of my comfort zone, even when the outcome is favorable, leaves me feeling emotionally crippled. My soul needs a wheelchair. And then to be physically crippled on top of that is just karmic assholery. You will be happy to know, though, that the Minxes think my broken-assed walk is hilarious. Whenever I walk around, they start making peeping/clacking noises because I am The Penguin. This, in turn, makes me laugh at their audacity. I am proud that they are audacious. We need more audacious in this world.
The result of being emotionally and physically crippled? I get Mindworm.
I wake up in the middle of the night and my mind starts racing, and I cannot turn it off. If you’ve been reading here long enough, you’ll know that the conversation goes like this:
Me: “Yo, Brain. Fuck off.”
Me: “I need to sleep.”
Brain: “Not my problem, cupcake.”
My brain is a disobedient cretin.
For your amusement, and because I’ve been too
gorked out busy to write a real post, I’ll share with you some items on my Mindworm list.
~my butt hurts like a *(&^%$$###%&^
~Oh man, is Miss D.’s book report due tomorrow?
~When is Thanksgiving? Crap. I think it’s early this year. What should I make? Sure as heck not turkey dinner, because turkey dinner sucks eyeballs.
~Things I’ve made in past years so they’re not contenders: Chinese feast, Greek feast, Mexican feast, Paella, surf and turf. Gaaaa. Can’t do Italian; Daddy doesn’t like it. German?
~Geddaheckouttahere. So not doing German.
~French? I don’t really like French. Dangit, I think I might have to go there.
~Mental Menu of French Food that Doesn’t Suck Eyeballs: Beef borgignonne, potato puree, some vegetable gratin thingy.
~Item to Google: French appetizers.
~Can I throw a hunk of Brie on a paper plate and get away with it? Dessert can just bugger off. I’m not making it.
~Thanksgiving is coming. Dear God. That means Christmas. Coming. Soon.
~Total number of items I know the Minxes want for Christmas: 0.0
~I’m at a payphone/trying to call home/All of my change I’ve spent on you… Dang you, Adam Levine!
~I think the hamster is depressed?
~Item to Google: depression in rodents.
~I need to pee, but I’m kinda too lazy to get up. What time is it? Can I hold out?
~ To Do List: schedule girls’ haircuts, call handyman, dang laundry, dang grocery store, buy wrinkle cream. Why are my To Do Lists always eerily similar?
~Add to Grocery List along with wrinkle cream: toilet paper, Pirate Booty, candles for Diwali
~Christmas cards. Noooooo!
~I think I’m going to have to wave the white flag and go pee.
~I’m at a payphone/trying to call home/All of my change I’ve spent on you… Dangit.
Scintillating things going through my head, eh? Well, when you live the Domestic Goddess lifestyle, that’s what you get. Very glamorous.
I love y’all. Hope you are well and hope to see you soon. Happy Tuesday and Happy Diwali to all of my friends celebrating today. We’ll be lighting our candles!
ps: Sorry for getting “Payphone” stuck in your heads. That song is sticky as heck.
pps: Did I just apologize again?