Weirdness: A Study of 7 Days

March 12, 2013


go here ^ She’s awesome.


Last week I participated in JustWrite, which I try to do a lot because it’s friendly and no-pressure and don’t-even-try-to-be-perfect. Perfect rides my butt like one of those remora thingys who hitchhike on shark backs. Perfect has always been my parasite of choice.

But JustWrite isn’t about Perfect and it isn’t Vuitton–it is your favorite hoodie, hugging your shoulders so you feel loved. Getting to kick Perfect into the litter box for a while almost makes me believe in God. So I justwrote and made a huge wonker of an error (apologies, Judy Blume), which a gentle reader alerted me to almost immediately. Readers, you rock my world.

The Perfect immediately hissed in my ear to edit like quicksilver and nobody would be the wiser, but that’s not what JustWrite is about, so I fixed the copy but left my errors in. It just felt like it was the right thing to do. It’s also a solid reminder not to believe everything you hear in a public restroom.

And then Heather did what she always does (that troublemaker) and some emails got slung around and within a day, #JudyBlumeProject was an actual possibility. Thank goodness for adults who haven’t forgotten the Wrath of Adolescence. So we’re going there. I hope you’ll go there with us.

But that’s not what I’m talking about today. I’m talking about the 7 Days of Owl Shit *swear jar* and weirdness that ensued after last week’s JustWrite.

~Foot fungus. Nasty, feral foot fungus. I don’t know who brought it back from the rec center pool, but I am royally torked, because guess who got it? My feet smell like I’m baking a sourdough loaf down there. Stank! I am also doubting the efficacy of over-the-counter foot fungus medications, because I bought them all.

~Any white witches or voodoo doctors out there with a cure? Seriously. I’m about ready to drive to the ER, stick my feet in some doctor’s nose and say, “Treat me now or you smell this for an hour.”

~Blizzard. It snowed all day Saturday. Eventually, everything was too wet to stick, so hey, raise the roof for weirdo weather in March, because my lazy backside totally didn’t want to shovel that load.

~Three kiddo birthday parties. Simultaneously. On the blizzard day and the one day we actually had plans.

~My awesome (truly) husband decided, out of the blue, to refinance our house. Five minutes later, as I’m having a nervous meltdown at my desk trying to figure out if #JudyBlumeProject is a go, he presents me with a list of hideous home improvement crap *swear jar?*  that we need to get done before the appraisal.

~Miss M. stumbled across this YouTube series–it’s this dude trying to teach you tips about Minecraft, which I have no interest in, so I had no interest in what she was watching. Until she accidentally turned up the volume and I heard “Holy Fucking Shit!” streaming into my first grader’s ears.  *and no this isn’t a swear jar because I am quoting.  Fine.*

~Miss D. exclaimed, with much enthusiasm, “Hey Mom! Look at me! I’m hugging the pole!”  Please let that be the first and last time she says that? Poor hubby almost choked on his breakfast.

~I have a zit on my earlobe. Whaaa? Come on! An ear zit and sourdough loaf feet?

~I cannot believe how, when something kinda exciting happens to someone, people extend hugs and hands and encourage you to GO.

~ I also cannot believe how, when something kinda exciting happens to someone, some people aren’t happy about it at all.

~But that’s okay. I’m excited and a lot of others are excited and I’m so excited that you are excited! (Allrighty…I think my IQ just dropped 30 points with that sentence, but I haven’t been sleeping, so forgive).

~When this jackalope doesn’t sleep, she does the unforgivable. Like forgetting to feed children or notice bedtimes or cook dinner or feed the cat or do laundry. In all earnest–who can I pay to do my &^%$  laundry? And my home improvements?

~JustWrite, you brilliant, witty, rockstars. #JudyBlumeProject is waiting to hear your voice.


{ 36 comments… read them below or add one }

Abby March 12, 2013 at 6:15 am

Well that’s quite the week you’ve had! I would love to contribute to your Blume project, but I don’t know that I have strong enough feelings–or memory–about the topic. You women are fabulous though, so I’m sure it’s going to be great!

And snow? We still have it here, which I suppose is better than foot fungus or R-rated YouTube series, but still. SO effing over it.


TKW March 12, 2013 at 7:10 am


You can always re-read. And reflect on it now. :)


Jamie March 12, 2013 at 6:18 am

Ear zits are the. Worst. Not that I know from experience or anything…


TKW March 12, 2013 at 7:11 am


Thank God I’m not alone! Hold me.


Leslie March 12, 2013 at 1:54 pm

Seriously, what is up with those things??? No one ever told me about these. Why do they happen? And how do we get rid of them? They hurt. And they’re gross.


Killian March 12, 2013 at 3:17 pm

Ear zits suck.

But inside-the-nose zits are worse.


TKW March 13, 2013 at 6:08 am


Owwww! I can’t even think about that!

Katybeth March 12, 2013 at 6:32 am

Mercury is in Retrograde. This to shall pass. Corn starch will help the feet—as will Absorbine Junior. Check out Task Rabbit–awesome. I’ve also used Fancy Hands…not as awesome but might be helpful..cancel them right after you sign up so they don’t automatically sign you up/charge you for another month. Make sure you get the half off deal if you use them. And remember my biggest Ahaha….No matter how hard you try, you can not be two places at one time.
Excitement is so good and contagious. Thank you!


Katybeth March 12, 2013 at 6:35 am

PS—SNOW….It has been snowing here for 3 straight months–grey skies, very little accumulation. Our snow is ADHD. It snows again last night. It’s not pretty.


Katybeth March 12, 2013 at 6:36 am

snowed ^ Not that I really care–but I caught the perfection bug for a minute…add any missing comas to. Ok bye. Really.


Katybeth March 12, 2013 at 6:36 am

crap too. ^ Clicking away NOW.


TKW March 12, 2013 at 7:12 am


The weather dude predicted a 60-degree day today, and when I woke up this morning? Snowing. ARGGGG


Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes March 12, 2013 at 6:35 am

Well I do now about the blizzard. We’ve had one too today. Took me 2hr30 to get to work. Yep. And then they cancelled the meeting because the other wusses stayed home. Not that I’m bitter or anything…


TKW March 12, 2013 at 7:13 am


Bitter away, my friend. I’ll barrel up to the bar with you and buy you a drink.


Arnebya March 12, 2013 at 6:39 am

Well damn. You need fast actin’ Tinactin. And maybe Amazing Blue Star Ointment. Gold Bond Medicated Foot Powder? Buy All The Things. And air. You gotta air them out. I do not see how you can air them out when there’s a blizzard outside. Wait until flip flop weather. You can’t wait until flip flop weather because by then you will have bagged up 276 foot loaves. Who would eat that? I tried this weekend to not give in to DST (I try this every year) except I’m the one paying for it this year with cranky kids who just wanted dinner.


TKW March 12, 2013 at 7:15 am


You are so freaking funny! You even made me laugh about my sourdough loaf feet!

I actually told my hubby this weekend that I was in deep trouble because I can’t air out these suckas in the snow!


ayala March 12, 2013 at 7:53 am

Wow..quite a week. I love this line..But JustWrite isn’t about Perfect and it isn’t Vuitton–it is your favorite hoodie, hugging your shoulders so you feel loved.
You need a break…or a pitcher of Margaritas ;)


TKW March 12, 2013 at 7:56 am

What I need are your beautiful words!


Kim Jorgensen Gane March 13, 2013 at 1:36 pm

YES! What Ayala said! That was beautiful, indeed!

And OMG, snorted about the loaves!!!


Jennifer March 12, 2013 at 8:22 am

True confession time… I was cursed with stinky feet. I’ve had them since I was very, very little and no amount of anything I ever put on them will make it go away. Such is life.


Biz March 12, 2013 at 8:33 am

“Hey Mom! Look at me! I’m hugging the pole!” I just spit out the coffee I was drinking when I read that sentence! :D


TKW March 12, 2013 at 9:44 am


We tried very, very hard not to laugh.


Kim Jorgensen Gane March 12, 2013 at 9:46 am

Oh my, yes. Totally!


Kim Jorgensen Gane March 12, 2013 at 9:45 am

I’m totally feelin’ ya, Dana! My laundry is in piles and my dishes aren’t done…but I’m SO freaking excited about the #JudyBlumeProject, I can’t be bothered with anything so banal as sleeping. I’m sure I was all judged when I took my computer to my boy’s taekwondo class yesterday. That was me, sitting on the hardwood floor, back screaming, Tweeting and Facebooking Judy! And it’s 12:41pm and I haven’t had breakfast yet today. *sigh* We’ll sleep when she’s put to bed, right?

Here’s mine today, kinda lovin’ on ya…


Erica March 12, 2013 at 1:14 pm

Try coconut oil for those stinky feet. Warm it up and massage it in. Or maybe even soak your tootsies in it. Something in the coconut oil is an antifungal. I can’t promise you that it will kill whatever you’re fermenting but it should feel really good and help with the aroma.

Me thinks I need to re-read some Judy Blume. Any why hasn’t she written some books about the whole “change of life” crap??? She got us through adolescence but what about peri-menopause?


TKW March 13, 2013 at 8:50 am


I happen to have coconut oil onhand, so guess what I’m gonna go do! Worth a shot, eh? And I think we have the new catchphrase for the coconut oil company: Coconut oil. Better than Sourdough. Are we the next Don Drapers or what?

And your thoughts on “change of life?” That’s a brilliant idea. Please consider writing about it–I think a lot of us could relate.


Rudri Bhatt Patel @ Being Rudri March 12, 2013 at 2:20 pm


This post made me cry. In a good way. I love you for always keeping it real. That, my friend, is my definition of perfect. xoxo


Velva March 12, 2013 at 6:53 pm

You have a lot of fun with your writing…when you” just write”. As always, you put a smile on my face.



Ami March 12, 2013 at 6:57 pm

Why is it that everything falls on ONE day and that is, of course, the day with the worst weather ever? It’s almost as if the Powers That Be are decidedly anti-over-scheduling and have decided to smite offenders. I hate being smitten. Or smote. Or whatever.
Good luck with everything and I am superbly excited about Project Judy Blume.


TKW March 13, 2013 at 8:52 am


I love that you even considered “smote.” I’d forgotten it was a word! So happy to have you on board for JudyBlumeProject!


Lisa @ The Meaning of Me March 13, 2013 at 12:11 am

Perfect is unnatural. I think all the stuff in life that counts as “errors” and “mistakes” are what make life genuine. Who the hell wants to be perfect? I tried; it’s overrated. I moved back to regular.

I read Judy Blume way too long ago to contribute to your cool kid project.

Your week may just be more unbelievable than mine. I can’t even bring myself to put some of my crap in print. Hence the empty blog for what is now day five, I think.


Tiffany March 13, 2013 at 8:16 am

Foot fungus—GAH! My feet smelled so horrid when I was pregnant with Olivia (and only her?? weird.) that Matt got me special foot soaking soap and I would rub hand sanitizer on my feet before my OB check ups. Nice, huh? And a zit on the earlobe? WTF?


TKW March 13, 2013 at 8:53 am

Clearly, there is something afoot with all of this…I’m going there…foot stuff. ;)


Caitlin March 13, 2013 at 9:45 am

tea tree oil should help! smells kinda weird but, meh, it helps! also.. there is this home health (brand) anti fungal lotion .. you can get it at vitamin shoppe if there is one near you. also good for any weird rashes/fungus.. hope you get less stinky soon! ;)


sam March 14, 2013 at 6:43 am

I love you Kitch…and you’re full swear jar. Because it’s like we’re long lost sister and I totally relate with (okay, most) of your life rants. And life rants are totally necessary.

Also…the blizzard of two weeks ago made me cancel my daughters tea party. Guess when we rescheduled? Thankfully, Sunday….when the sun had come back out. But my entire body ached from shoveling that heavy spring snow.


Alexandra March 15, 2013 at 5:07 pm

Ear zits? FROM HELL.

And they leave a visceral impression.

Why just reading about yours conjured all sorts of throbbing pain in my right ear, circa 1983.

The Year of the Ear Zit.


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