Ten Men You Meet Through Internet Dating

August 29, 2013

Hello and happyhappydammitcocktailtime Friday, dear Readers! I have a treat for you today to kickstart your Labor Day weekend. I’m so happy to have Caitlin guest posting today. Believe me, you need some Caitlin in your life.. She’s so young and earnest and beautiful that you’ll want to hate her, but you can’t. She’s un-hateable.

Backstory: I have no idea how Caitlin found my blog or how I found hers (how does that stuff happen?)  Caitlin and I connected via blog a few months before BlogHer and then, on the last day of the conference, I slithered my exhausted arse into a stiff chair and there she was. Right next to me. All youthful and dewy and…badass brave. Caitlin hasn’t been blogging for that long, but she decided at the last minute to go to BlogHer and went ahead and did it.

 By herself.

 I still don’t have the fortitude to attend that dang conference without 11 Pipers Piping and 12 Drummers Drumming.

 And she went alone.

 I think I said something very eloquent to her like, “Holy shit, girl! You’ve got some big-ass cojones!”  (Kim Gane, you were a witness, so you know I’m telling it straight).

But enough about the backstory. Meet Caitlin for yourself, and give her the warm welcome that I know you generously give. Because you are the best readers ever. Ever. But you already know that.


The 10 Men you meet through Online Dating

I am no virgin to online dating.  I’ve taken a few more spins on that merry-go-round than I care to admit.  Heck, I even dated a guy for ten months from one of those sites. Long story short…  Great guy.  No long-term romantic future.

My friends witnessed all my crazy ups and downs – from the bad dates to the guys who didn’t call to the ones who did.  Even so, it’s not until those friends wanted to take their own spin on  the online dating wheel, (whether it be a recent break up or when their own efforts didn’t pan out as expected) that they became more curious about the sites’ “features.”  What kinds of guys are on there?  How do I  create my profile? What are the rules?

There are tons of opinions about online dating, but I think that the most important step is understanding what to expect.  Be Prepared.  Girl Scouts’ motto, right?  Or, is that Boy Scouts?  Whatever your scout troop, here are the ten guys you should expect to ‘meet’ through online dating.

  1. The Non-Photogenic – Guys who don’t post pictures.  A.K.A… You’re married.  Why else are you cruising around online dating sites like Batman’s double?  I once had a guy tell me that he couldn’t post pictures because of “work,” but, “don’t worry,” he can email them to me. Not.creepy.at.all.

  2. The Complainer – Before we’ve  even had a chance to speak, you  ‘thank goodness’ that I look exactly like my profile picture and that I am not, in fact, severely obese. *crickets*  And, while you are glad I showed up for the date, you are now complaining about your braces, your height and being a ‘small’ guy.  Dude. I’m willing to get past it , but can you?

  3. The Slick One Liner – “Girl, your eyes are like the ocean.  Want to grab a drink sometime?”  Thank you, sir.  I added this to my folder of “Things a guy has said to 100+ women on Match.com.”

  4. The Overbear-er – If you send me an email about my profile and maybe a couple lines about how we should get together sometime, I know that you like me.  If you ‘wink’ at me, ‘like’ one of my photos and send me two emails in a row all within five minutes of each other, I know that you’re an overbearing dude   a stalker.

  5. The Egotistical – Clearly, you don’t own any shirts. What the heck?  You pose with several women in your pictures (who are obviously not your sister) and/or love taking selfies in front of a bathroom mirror. (sans shirt).  Not a keeper.

  6. The Long Distance Lover – I appreciate  that you took the time to send me an email all the way from Brooklyn, NY and that you will be “traveling through” the Washington D.C. area within a few weeks. Wouldn’t I love to get together?  Seriously.  You either (1) can’t pick up women within 50 miles of you or (2) are really desperate to get laid. I can’t decide which is more repellent, #1 or #2.  NEXT.

  7. The Womanizer – When I don’t answer an email within two hours, you ask if I received your email? Did you? Get my email?  I have a pair of eyes and an internet connection.  Oh, and a life.  If you want a cook, a maid, and – I guess – a secretary, go call your mother.

  8. The Serial  Online Dater – I understand that it’s easy to fall back on this topic as a conversation starter since we both, obviously, realize that online dating is a common ‘interest’ between us.  But enough is enough already.  I don’t really care that guys have to do all the work, some girl never emailed you back and you’re “over the bar scene.”  Ha.  And please don’t ask me to change the time of our date because another girl cancelled on you. (!?) After listening to you ramble on about online dating for 30 minutes, can we talk about something  anything else?

  9. The Non-Descript – you tell me you worked for the CIA, Secret Service, NSA, Department of Top Secret Shiii….. so you “really can’t talk about the job.”  Really.  This  line might be popular in the DC area, but we all realize around here not to discuss job details (and who wants to discuss jobs on a first date anyways?)  The bottom line is you’re not so important that you need to drop the “can’t talk about my job” line. I’d continue to make fun of you, but sorry, “I can’t talk about that stuff on my blog.”

  10. The Normal Guy – Thank you for being you.  Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.  I’m sorry that I have to weed through the above list of craziness before finding you, but you’re worth it and awesome.  Rock on with your bad self.  

Caitlin blogs and fumbles her way through life / the dating world over at Crossroads of the Heart.  Stop by and visit some time!

{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }

Alison August 30, 2013 at 1:03 am

Hah! Too funny, Caitlin. There really are all kinds out there. Do people still write that they love “talking long walks along the beach”? Heh.

Nice to meet ya!


Caitlin August 30, 2013 at 4:51 am

I think it’s been replaced by one of my favorite lines… “I’m looking for a girl who can hit a night out on the town, but also relax on the couch in her sweatpants.” Every.guy’s.profile. Nice to meet you, Alison!


Caitlin August 30, 2013 at 4:52 am

TKW – Thanks so much for the sweet introduction! The backstory of how we met in person at BlogHer is spot on. Haha!


Biz August 30, 2013 at 7:46 am

I had to laugh at this guest post because um, I met my husband on an online dating site! Back then I barely new how to upload a picture, and the only picture I had of must my face was a church bulletin photo – I looked like Sister Batrill!

Somehow he was drawn to my angelic face – and we’ll be married 13 years this December! :D


Caitlin September 3, 2013 at 6:48 am

congratulations! the potential for a relationship, like your marriage, is what keeps me motivated :)


Tiffany August 30, 2013 at 1:41 pm

You are a braver woman than I…it sounds awful!! But hilarious!


Jamie August 30, 2013 at 4:42 pm

You might hit me for saying this, but I kind of hate that I never got to online date! It sounds batshit crazy…which is right up my alley. Loved the post, laughed all the way through!


Caitlin September 3, 2013 at 6:48 am

thanks for the kind words, jamie!


Ayala August 30, 2013 at 6:24 pm

Funny and great :)


Singles Warehouse August 31, 2013 at 5:33 am

What an excellent post. We’re an online dating site and loved reading it. Now all we need is to find a guy to write one about the 10 types of women you’d date online.

Loved it!


Caitlin September 3, 2013 at 6:49 am

haha! from what i heard, you will definitely find the type of girl who writes essays for her profile! mine is literally one paragraph.. enough to reel them in ;) men’s attention span < 2 year old's


Velva August 31, 2013 at 7:23 am

Great post! Even if you are not online dating this pretty much sums up the dating list.



Linda at Bar Mitzvahzilla August 31, 2013 at 10:46 pm

This is so great, Caitlyn! And it totally mirrors what my single friends talk about all the time, but funnier! I’m starting to get a little feeling that the online pickup just may not be the best forum for men, lacking verbal aptitude. Just sayin’.


Caitlin September 3, 2013 at 6:51 am

oh yes linda.. even greater opportunities for embarrassment than the bar scene, in my opinion ;) plus we can save those emails! embarrassment now permanent and ‘forward-able’ to friends! lol


Emily R September 2, 2013 at 8:29 pm

Oh Kitch Witch, I have been MIA from the blogging world for 2 years and after reading this I realize how much I’ve missed you and your wit! (this is Emily from EZ’s Recipes… divorced and dropped the “Z” so I’ve changed my blog name) So good to be back in the blogging world and to see you again. :)


Justing September 7, 2013 at 9:22 am


Thank you for acknowledging the “normal guy.” That’s me lol! I’ve been dating my girlfriend who I met on OkCupid for over a year now and I’m so thankful OkCupid (and Internet dating) gave me a chance to meet her.

When I was dating online I often thought that just being a normal, nice guy made it very easy for me to have online dating success since so many of the other dudes on these dating sites suck in one way or another. It’s nice to see that theory confirmed by a woman on the dating sites.

Good luck with finding the normal guys Caitlin!



Arnebya September 9, 2013 at 9:46 am

Totally giggling at the selfie taking guy. Stop it!

My husband and I once considered joining one of the sites to see if it’d suggest us to each other. But…what if it didn’t? What if the match.com didn’t think we were a match dot com? The horror. Also, eh. I ain’t paying for the ‘puter to tell me to call the dude who’s already right here. But thanks for acknowledging that not all of the guys are lame. Not all.


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