Dog Days

January 21, 2014

Just Write.


I feel like my life has been hijacked by all things dog. That little shitter got ear fungus, or something like that, so he went back to the vet. Not only is he a million dollar dog, he stinks! I am ready to auction him away today; he got me up at 2:45am to poop and I have been up ever since. And then I caught him eating cat barf. You guys! Why didn’t you tell me dogs are so gross? Gaaa!

I’m still down under but not buried. Even I’m getting sick of myself. It’s pissing me off how long it’s taking to get my head on straight.

“Get your head on straight”: That was Daddy-o’s favorite thing to say when we girls went renegade or hormonal or just dang spacey. It’s funny. I’d forgotten that until just now. Memory is so cagey that way.

I don’t know where I’m going here, so I’ll just blurt, okay? Just Write is liberating like that. Heather King, you’re a genius.


1) Since the Black Magic hit, I have been writing a dear friend who is encouraging me to find my Daily Happy. This is both simpler and more complicated than I thought. When your head is down in a stark and roaring place, it’s hard to remember to breathe, let alone see. But I’m trying.

2) I’m not sure if this dog is saving my life or killing me.

3) I had a moment last week where I forgot how to drive the car. I mean, I really didn’t know how to do it. Do you remember when you first learned how to drive a car–how hyper-aware you were of every action you took? Hands at ten and two, foot on gas, eyes on rearview? It was like that, but more harrowing, because I had the girls in the car at the time. I don’t give a shit if I lose my marbles, but the Minxes are precious cargo.

4) And now I’m weirdo about the car. Awesome.

5) Dogs come with side effects, and one of them is sociability. With strangers. This is the seventh ring of Hell for me. People see you walking a dog (and they are usually walking their dog, because this is Boulder County Dog Central) and they do the human equivalent of rapid tail wagging. Oh! You have a dog, too! Let’s stop a minute so you can tell me everything about your dog!

6) Clearly, I have no business owning a dog.

7) The cat is wicked pissed re: dog.

8) What is it with all the lists lately? I think my mind is so chaotic that I just naturally veer in that direction. Sorry.

9) Why do I always apologize?

10) I took Mozzy for a walk today and a herd (?) gaggle (?) of geese flew by and he flipped his lid. Utter terror. We had to make a quick retreat indoors until they buggered off, and I realized, poor Mozz-Man. Nervous small dog is owned by a nervous small dog of an owner. Abandon all hope.

11) Eating. I haven’t been doing it. No interest. This is shameful. My husband has been trying to tempt me with lovely things like pizza and fish & chips and juicy burgers. I’m looking a little Crypt-Keeper-ish, to tell you the truth. The good news is that my appetite is beginning to come back. First thing on the menu? Really good, stinky cheese. Nothing better than stinky cheese. Expect a recipe featuring a lovely bleu soon (sorry, bleu haters!).

12) Thanks for hanging in there with me.  January blows. So does February, but if you’ll stick with me, I’ll write about chocolate. And the time I dressed up like a really racist version of a Chinese person. But it was Mama’s fault. So if you want to loiter around, that’s coming.

13) I love you.



{ 39 comments… read them below or add one }

Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes January 21, 2014 at 5:43 am

I love you too dear.
January is nearly finished and February is a short month. So the Suck is nearly at end.


Shannon January 21, 2014 at 5:46 am

Love you, too.


Katybeth January 21, 2014 at 6:07 am

Puppies in the winter are hard. A little warm oil in the ear, rub at base will smother the mites, soothe the ears, and save a vet visit. A table spoon of cheap (Libby’s) pumpkin cures most cases of diarrhea. Rule of thumb: Wait 3 days to go to the vet unless your pup is throwing up and has diarrhea. Keep her quiet and don’t force her to eat. After 3 days if she still feels punk take her in. On the other hand, if you wait 12 hours, take deep breaths, and still feel she needs to go in—take her to the vet. Do not panic late at night and head to Animal 911. You’ll spend your vacation money on diarrhea caused by eating cat vomit when time and pumpkin would solve the problem.
Gross things? Well, from our point of view, yes. Making a big deal out it reinforces the behavior (think kids) .
You’ll eat when you are hungry. And you’ll be thin!
I don’t mind January but loathe February. So my time has yet to come.
It’s Hug day so sending you a big happy hug! (((((( HUG )))))


Dana Talusani January 22, 2014 at 9:03 am


Good advice re: the vet. I’ve been there way too many times already!


Sarah January 21, 2014 at 6:38 am

I make lists, too. Lots of them. Because it’s the only way I can talk to my brain that’s too full and too mushy to make sense even to me, it’s owner.

Miss you and love you. Xo


Ami January 21, 2014 at 6:44 am

I am reluctantly resigned to many of the unfathomable things in this world. But bleu haters? I cannot comprehend that at all. It’s like someone thinking unicorns are ugly and dumb. Who does that?
Also, you are incredibly brave (even if you don’t feel it), I could never own a dog. It’s like having a two year old all over again.
Keep swimming for the shore, babe. Spring is almost here.


Dana Talusani January 22, 2014 at 9:04 am


Bleu haters are mysterious people. Also? Thanks for the kind words.


Jamie January 21, 2014 at 7:09 am

I love the lists. Love em. I always write in list form! Then again, you’re a real writer so perhaps your standards are a bit higher, but no matter. Your mind wants to list right now so list away.

Is it a bad sign for my own sanity if I was nodding along and thinking, “yes, I can totally see how someone could forget how to drive their car?”


Dana Talusani January 22, 2014 at 9:05 am


It was so freaking scary!


Alison January 21, 2014 at 8:13 am

Cannot wait to see/ read about the racist version of a Chinese person.
Love you. *wags tail*


Jennifer January 21, 2014 at 9:32 am

Maybe that little dog will pull you right on through the Black Magic.


Dana Talusani January 22, 2014 at 9:06 am


I am hoping the same thing. It’s hard to be grumpy when you look at that face.


Kate January 21, 2014 at 10:41 am

Stinky cheese and chocolate! But not at the same time. Add a couple grapes and you have my ideal table.
And dogs are gross. But loving. Worth it. (As mine snores next to me. Poor girl has fatty tumors, but not dangerous things, just lumps. I don’t want to talk about how much that knowledge cost. Or that we have to clean her teeth again because I am not brushing a beast’s teeth. No. I still brush my kids!)
Cleanly I need lists.


Kim Jorgensen Gane January 21, 2014 at 10:43 am

And we love you. You made me snort, btw. Nervous small dog owned by nervous small dog. Killer LLOL! ((Hugs))


Lisa @ The Meaning of Me January 21, 2014 at 12:46 pm

And you are loved right back, for sure.

Dogs are way too social, aren’t they? I never in a million years would have said I prefer cats but I gotta tell you nobody runs over to you tail a-wagging when you take your cat out of the house…which you only do to go to the vet, really, if they are indoor cats…and when you do, said cat/s are usually pissed off and hissing up a storm in the cat carrier because they KNOW their only trip on the outside is to the vet where a thermometer will shortly be inserted into places that cats do not like to have things inserted. But…no social factor. :)

You have now made me hungry for either fish and chips or a juicy burger. Or both. Neither of these will happen because we are once again in the house watching too many inches of snow fall. Am I grateful I am a teacher and don’t have to go out in it? You betcha. Am I tired of snow? Damn straight. And at some point I will probably be bitter about the days we have to make up later in the year. But for now here we are. Perhaps I’ll finally take the Christmas tree down today…

I like your friend’s idea of the Daily Happy. I think sometimes it’s really important to remember to look for and see the good in the midst of all the other crap. It’s one of the reasons I started joining in a weekly linkup with a similar spin. It’s been a fantastic thing for me. I can’t tell you how positive it’s been for me personally in the midst of now eighteen months of the Hub being out of work and going to school and changing careers because of said out of work issue. Long story. Not entertaining. But the weekly list of positive moments has been phenomenal. I’m even co-hosting the thing now – which I have to admit is pretty cool.

Looking forward to the bleu cheese recipe – nobody here will eat it so more for me.

Be well and be happy, friend. You are often in my thoughts.


Dana Talusani January 22, 2014 at 9:07 am


It sounds like you have a lot going on; I think a weekly list of positive moments is definitely a good idea.


Tye Owens January 21, 2014 at 2:18 pm

Trust me I’ve been there with dogs.
I’m still there, my dog was eating my cat’s “scooby snacks.”


Dana Talusani January 22, 2014 at 9:08 am


At first I was concerned he was eating cat poop but then I realized it was vomit. I was strangely relieved?


Naptimewriting January 21, 2014 at 3:16 pm

When you are at your most crazy, neurotic, call-the-authorities off-balanced, I love you best. So clearly this is our month.

Blue cheese plus fig jam plus crackers, yo. No need for anything else.


Dana Talusani January 22, 2014 at 9:09 am


The January crazies and the February psychos. They belong to me!


erin margolin January 21, 2014 at 3:48 pm

dogs are beastly, i tell you.
you’re lucky he only ate cat barf. i had a dog once that loved cat POOP. and his OWN POOP. so yeah, there’s that.

this time of year is hard. especially in snow country like you are. and with a puppy who’s not housebroken quite yet.

i’m looking forward to your stinky cheese. and BlogHer.


Rudri Bhatt Patel @ Being Rudri January 21, 2014 at 4:14 pm


Lists help me climb out of the hole. Do what you got to do.

((Love you)).


D. A. Wolf January 21, 2014 at 5:26 pm

The apology thing. Went round and round on that with my kid. Every time I felt like I screwed up, I apologized. He told me to stop apologizing. I said okay, sorry… Yeah.

“… hard to remember to breathe… let alone, see…”

Yowza. That one speaks volumes, too.


jacquie January 21, 2014 at 8:44 pm

oh I don’t know whether to laugh or cry as there is so much in this post and much of it strikes home with me. you are not alone in this – not that that helps at all. the daily happy sounds like a version of daily gratitude and it is hard isn’t it. I swear sometimes the things I come up w/ are just so lame even to my ears. and how often can one use the same one? I don’t know if my dogs or saving me or killing me sometimes myself. though I do tend to think it is the former though I can’t even say I hope so. oh and the social aspect – sighhhhhhhhhhhh – it about killed me when I got a golden instead of a shepherd. I just didn’t get it and why I the world do others not understand I don’t always (ever?) want to converse. and the not eating been there too. hang in there dear one – remember to breathe, hug the minxes and eat.


Alisa January 21, 2014 at 10:16 pm

You seem like a cat person to me. Also this entire post made me laugh.


Dana Talusani January 22, 2014 at 9:10 am


I have never owned a dog, always cats. Let’s just say that I’m learning a lot!


Woo Brower January 22, 2014 at 1:56 am

Yeah, dogs are gross. But they’re also so damn sweet and loving. This might happen to you and Mozzy one day, so I’ll just tell you about it now. It’s called Poop On A Rope. One day he is going to somehow ingest a hair…like a long human hair…and it will, of course, come out. It will wrap itself around some poop and head on out. Only it won’t come out all the way. The poop gets expelled. The rest of the strand will be trapped inside the dog. And so this poop on a rope will dangle from the dog’s butt until someone pulls the strand out. I’ve also seen this happen with a long blade of grass. I have to assume my 13 year old mixed breed is smart enough to do the butt scoot and handle her shit (so to speak) because I’ve only had to assist her once in 13 years. My pure bred Labrador Retriever is 5 and I’ve had to lend a hand at least 3 times so I have to assume he’s snacking on my hairbrush or he’s too goofy (and/or dumb) to understand that all he needs to do is squat and have another go. He rather comically appears to be embarassed by his predicament and refuses to let me see his butt. So we go round and round. A hunched over dog. A hunched over Asian woman with gloves (latex free, nitrile, Costco, get ’em if you haven’t already), paper towel or tissue in hand, trying to get a peek under the tail in order to grab the poop on a rope. He acts embarassed and will keep turning his butt away from me and sitting. I’m sure it’s hilarious to anyone watching. Thankfully, this has not happened on a walk, but only in the relative privacy and convenience of our back yard.


Dana Talusani January 22, 2014 at 9:11 am


Gaaa! That is so gross and disturbing! Now I’m going to be paranoid about stray hairs!


priya ajith January 22, 2014 at 5:51 am

Dear kitchwitch
I’ve been following your blog for a long time. I check it everyday at lunch break. And you know what YOU ARE AN AWESOME person.


PS: I need lists to survive :) They keep me sane…


Dana Talusani January 22, 2014 at 9:12 am


Thank you so much for letting me know you’re out there and for the kind words. Means a lot.


Deborah January 22, 2014 at 9:04 am

I’m here. Going nowhere. No dirt naps, okay, kid? XOXO


alexandra January 22, 2014 at 9:54 am

When the black dog finds his way back, like he always does, it’s the driving thing that he does, that gets to me.

That one, he knows, just about does me in.

Here with you, I wear your sweater every day, hoping you feel me with you. xo


Phoo-d January 22, 2014 at 3:26 pm

I was wondering what the cat thought about the dog. Lol. =)

You have a huge community of people hanging in there with you and loving you.



Dana Talusani January 22, 2014 at 5:10 pm


You’ve been a lifesaver, my sweet friend.


Kel January 22, 2014 at 4:24 pm

Soooo I assume that asking for video of you wagging your tail would be frowned upon by your husband? *sigh* I’m sorry. You’re just gorgeous and amazing, and how the hell can we not fall in love with you?

Dogs are gross critters, but they definitely save your life. I had a yellow Lab save mine many years ago, and I still have a soft spot for the rest of their kind because of it.

As long as their is chocolate on the way, the world is survivable. You’ll do it, and we’ll be right there with you.


C. Troubadour January 23, 2014 at 11:53 am

With you all the way, Kitch. We’re still recovering from a batsh*t holiday and it is one day at a time (or one hour at a time sometimes) and former standards of living are on hold till whenever. Glad for the update from you — Mozz mayhem and all. I know you’re scrapping it out still when you make these lists :).


Tiffany January 23, 2014 at 7:49 pm

It’s Vajanuary, remember! Go eat some stinky cheese, love.


elizabeth January 23, 2014 at 8:30 pm

UGH. January can go die in a fire (and frankly, it would be welcome as it might not make things so horrifically cold).

Puppies are a handful (my mother declares that the ratio is one puppy=ten children) but that everlasting devotion makes it all worth the effort and the struggle. And if you need some more temptation to eat some good, stinky bleu cheese, I’m working on a post that is ostensibly a salad but honestly has no business calling itself one. I used to not be a big bleu fan, but these days a bite of aged Gorgonzola is practically energizing.

Keep climbing, lady. You’ll get there. :)


denise January 31, 2014 at 7:59 am

hello, old friend. so glad to read your words today. i’ve been gone too long. reconnecting with my blogging pals feels good, though. january DOES blow. life has a way of chewing us up, sometimes, doesn’t it? i’m way beyond ready to be spit out, even if a bit frayed and worn for the ride.

i’m sorry you’ve got the sickies. just like january, that blows. sending much love. xo


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