Return of Le Regime

February 25, 2014

Just Write.




Readers, it’s that time of year again! The time of year when my girly-man husband gets a hint of a whiff of spring air and  comes to the conclusion that…he’s fat. I’ve talked about Le Regime before, so I won’t bore you again with the details, I’ll just remind you readers that

A) My husband is not, never has been, and will never be fat


B) Le Regime is a gigantic pain in my ass.


The sad thing is, it’s my own fault that Le Regime is such a pain in my ass, because the first time hubs embarked on Le Regime, I offered to be a supportive and diligent wife and be in charge of his high protein, low carb meals and snacks. ALL of them.

I’m a moron.

Le Regime is much more rigorous than Shrink-My-Ass-Month, which I usually do in January but I skipped out on it this year. Le Regime requires discipline and wicked, wicked planning skills.

I’ll also be spending an inordinate amount of time in the grocery store, the health food store, and my kitchen. This is bad news for me but good news for you health-minded readers in search of some good, ass-whittling recipes. I’ll be making them, and trying to find the time to post them.

Misery loves company, so if you want to follow along with the hubs and I on 31 torturous days of Le Regime, please do! I’d love to hear what you all are doing to whip yourselves into shape for Spring Break season. Are  you eating more meatless meals? Are you stocking up on quinoa and kale? Are you taking a daily walk or amping up your visits to the gym? Have you gone utterly, completely insane vegan?

Tell me readers! I don’t want to do this crap alone!

Wish me luck, y’all. I will be overtired and suffering from severe carb withdrawl. It’s gonna be ugly.

The things I do for that man.  Although he has to put up with my complaining ass for 31 days.  Maybe he’s the one deserving of pity?

{ 31 comments… read them below or add one }

Kel February 25, 2014 at 9:36 am

Ooooh yeah. The diabetic Bear has started growling about the weight he’s obtained during hibernation, so it’s time to get our collective $#!& together.

Did I mention he’s a picky eater?

No cooked greens of any kind, no “weird” cheeses, no fungus, no olives, no asparagus, no quinoa…

Can I smack him yet?

I’ve read a lot of the new studies (and confirmed w a physician) that eggs are no longer the cholesterol mongering demons that they once were thought to be. So I’m doing quiche with veggies and cheese (crustless, duh!), omelets, chicken salad, pulled pork (love the crock pot), and a meatball dish we call “Rasta Balls”.

Let’s get healthy…or something!


Dana Talusani February 25, 2014 at 9:35 pm


I’m doing the crustless quiche as well. It’s not nearly as sexy or fun, is it? Bah!

Must. know. About Rasta Balls.


Kel February 26, 2014 at 8:39 am

Heh. Well, we here at the Zoo are slightly less than politically correct. We’re more of rude, crude, and socially unacceptable.

Rasta Balls

Either make fresh meatballs, or, if you’re working two jobs like me, grab 2 bags of your favorite frozen ones

Break out your crock pot, and use a liner – this is a bitch to clean up if you don’t.

Toss in the meatballs. Then either chop up 2 cored pineapples, or open 3 cans of pineapple chunks. Dice two green peppers. Add one tablespoon of Berbere spice (it’s an Ethiopian spice mix).

Mix everything and cook on high for 2-3hrs or low for 4-5hrs. This process can also be done on the stove top or in the oven if you’re in a rush, but you won’t get quite as much blending of the flavors. You’ll also need to crush the pineapple a bit more to encourage it to break down into the chunky sauce.

The reason for the name? Rastafarianism is often associated with Jamaica, but has its roots in Ethiopia. So I’ve taken the colors of the Jamaican flag (yellow, green, and black) and replicated them (ok, your meatballs shouldn’t actually be *black*. Shut up.), and used an Ethiopian spice mix to tie it together.

These things are addictive. We use them as a party snack, but also as a meal with some broccoli on the side. It’s nearly carb-less that way.


Dana Talusani February 26, 2014 at 2:41 pm

Sounds yummy! Thanks, Kel!


Shannon February 25, 2014 at 10:05 am

Can you just ship your recipes already completed in food form to Illinois for me?

We’ve been trying to cut back on sugar in my house, not eliminate, but cut back. I also started using the My Fitness Pal app to track my eating, not as a calorie counter so much as to put me on the path to conscious eating – as opposed to the shovel into my mouth mode that I am accustomed to.


Dana Talusani February 25, 2014 at 9:33 pm


I don’t have a sugar problem but I have a salty/fatty/snack problem. I cannot be left alone with chips and salsa. So I went to the grocery store today and wept in the chip aisle.


Erica February 25, 2014 at 12:04 pm

Both my husband and my doctor told me that I have to cut refined sugar out of my diet to reduce inflammation. Ugh. Sugar is my ONE vice! Not fair.

This morning I was trying to remember the recipe you created for the Uncle Sam cereal bars. I need to find something quick and easy for breakfast that isn’t loaded with added sugar. I can’t do plain Greek yogurt (like I’m supposed to) because well, eating it is akin to what I imagine what it would be like to lick my brother’s feet.

Perhaps I should switch my one vice to swearing?


Dana Talusani February 25, 2014 at 9:30 pm


Those Uncle Sam bars are Colon Blow. You will never leave the bathroom.

I can’t do yogurt in the morning, either. Which is why I immediately screw up my diet by eating leftover Pad Thai for breakfast…


Phoo-d February 25, 2014 at 1:44 pm

I just started a torturous abs yoga dvd. That and juicing, salads, and limited alcohol makes life super fun in the snow! I feel your pain. =)


Dana Talusani February 25, 2014 at 9:28 pm


I can understand juicing but limited alcohol? Dang, girl. :)


pamela February 25, 2014 at 4:58 pm

I started running again because I realized I have a serious muffin top. So sad. I am starting March 1. February is hard enough as it is.


Dana Talusani February 25, 2014 at 9:26 pm


You have muffin top, I have backfat. Ah, the treasures our offspring give us. xo


Mr TKW February 25, 2014 at 6:23 pm

Pain in the ass speaking here. You do realize Le Regime is yet another manifestation of my Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder, right? Thanks for being my enabler! I’ll ease things up with a cheat meal once a week. Shannon, I also use the MyFitnessPal app. It’s really effective.


Dana Talusani February 25, 2014 at 9:24 pm

Thank God you are worth it, DickHolster. (IEE! I got an Archer reference and used it!)


Foodiewife February 25, 2014 at 9:35 pm

Sigh. Well, you’d best stay away from my blog. Pure comfort food. Carbs, sugar and good eatin’. Good luck!


Kim Jorgensen Gane February 25, 2014 at 10:25 pm

My #GF ass is at a VEGAN retreat this week! Yeahhhh, we’ll see how that goes. :/ I am curious to see how my body adapts–whether or not a vegan diet suits me (and my taste buds).


Dana Talusani February 26, 2014 at 8:07 am


A vegan retreat? Who did you piss off? God?


Kate February 25, 2014 at 10:27 pm

If it’s grain you’re staying away from, make a crust of grated potatoes for that quiche. If it’s carbs. Well. God help you.

For me. Well. Shingles got me and all diet bets are off. Itchy ouchy, on my scalp, gotta wear a hat. No more cruelty. Maybe April will be le regime here. Maybe.


Dana Talusani February 26, 2014 at 8:08 am


I’ve heard shingles is miserable! Hope it gets better soon!


Sherri February 26, 2014 at 6:09 am

Ah…. le regime…… was waiting for the return (though I do NOT sniff spring yet – not at all, so my juice fast can wait :). Good luck. Will you be sharing these high protein / low carb recipes. I am fresh out of low-fat ones.


Dana Talusani February 26, 2014 at 8:10 am


I will try to share as many as I can, but in all honesty, Le Regime food is kind of boring. I started it today and I am a very glum little squirrel.


C. Troubadour February 26, 2014 at 12:59 pm

My midsection needs Le Regime but I’m in denial. Count me in — I like protein, I’m just boredboredbored with the recipes I have. Comes from having to mass cook chicken parts every week to provide lunch meat for D., who has the caloric requirements of a sumo wrestler but a tall, lean, Scandinavian physique.


Dana Talusani February 27, 2014 at 8:29 pm


Men absolutely make me foam at the mouth when it comes to weight loss. I’ll give up everything I love and my man will say, “Hey! I didn’t eat toast for a week and I’m down 8 pounds!” Fuckers.
And I hear you about the midsection. That thing has a mind of its own.


Alison February 27, 2014 at 1:05 am

Gosh now I just want to eat ice cream.
(good luck!)


Dana Talusani February 27, 2014 at 8:30 pm


I like Haagen Dazs coffee ice cream. Bring it on over, girl.


Mary Lee February 27, 2014 at 10:12 am

Oh dear gawd, your Hunka Burnin’ Love is starting THAT again?!

Now I have an ass that’s definitely shrink-worthy. If you’re going to have to make all those trips to the grocery store and do all that work, it seems a waste for both of us to go through all that. Get my room ready.


Dana Talusani February 27, 2014 at 8:24 pm

Mary Lee,

Haul your adorable rear end over here. I will cook for you any day. However, you may not want my company. Low carb diets = bitchy KitchyWitchy. You know it’s bad when you snarl at the puppy…


Biz February 27, 2014 at 10:58 am

I may be giving up my beloved wine for 30 days, except my birthday – I need to have a toast on my birthday!!


Dana Talusani February 27, 2014 at 8:26 pm


I turned 45 in February. No WAY was that going down without a libation. You are such an inspiration and (bonus) you make me laugh.


Jennifer February 28, 2014 at 11:31 am

I’m trying to cut the sugar. That has to be as bad as La Regime right?


elizabeth March 1, 2014 at 1:13 pm

Ooof, Le Regime. I’ve been trying to avoid doing a specific routine and instead I just don’t have a starch with dinner most nights, save for taco night and pasta night. So instead it’s usually some sort of protein and a big-ass salad, and shockingly, I don’t hate it!

(That said, the leftovers from pasta night are stretched into a week of lunches for work.)


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