A Mother’s Day Tale

May 9, 2014

Many moons ago, for Mother’s Day, Miss D.’s Kindergarten class did a project where they answered the question: I Love My Mommy Because…and accompanied that thought with a heartfelt, hand-drawn picture. Then, at the Mother’s Day party the class held for us, the projects were hung up on a wall in the classroom for all of the mommies to see.

There’s nothing quite like those homemade crafts, is there?  Such incredible keepsakes. Such  warm reminders public “outing” of your parenting prowess.

It was so touching to read what some of the children said about their mothers.

“I love my mommy because she gives the best hugs.”

“I love my mommy because she will never leave me.”

“I love my mommy because she has the softest skin.”

“I love my mommy because she smells like the rain.”

I was getting goopy-eyed just reading them.

Then I spied my daughter’s entry, which was, of course, the most flamboyantly decorated of all of the projects (the girl has always loved her bling). The picture was of a yellow-haired stick figure pushing a grocery cart. The grocery cart was elaborately adorned in glitter and sequins. It was the Mick Jagger of grocery carts, I tell you.

The crowning glory?

The caption above the picture that read: I Love My Mommy Because She Buys Me Sugary Snacks.

I wanted the floor to crack open and swallow me right then and there. The other mommies would stroll by, glance at Miss D’s project, do a double take and start to titter.

Yeah, Miss Smells Like the Rain Mommy, go ahead and laugh, you crack whore.

YOU aren’t Sugary Snack Mom, so you just go ahead and giggle your size 2 butt off.


You know what the worst part of this story is? I was so embarrassed about being Sugary Snack Mom that I didn’t keep the project. Yeah, I threw out my kid’s homemade gift. Send me to the Mommy Gulag now, because I’m definitely going to Hell for that.

Of course, now that Miss D. is 12 and would never, ever, adorn me in sparkles and glitter, I’m wicked pissed that I didn’t keep that Kindergarten masterpiece.  The things we realize in hindsight.

I’d like to say that the Sugary Snack Mom incident shamed me into purging the house and the pantry of junky food, but apparently, it takes more than public humiliation to change my ways. There are still plenty of crap snacks for the taking and my girls wait giddily for Thursday afternoons, when I take them to our neighborhood chocolate shop because, you know, it’s almost Friday.

Happy Mother’s Day to all of you imperfect mothers everywhere.

Fly your “flawed” flag high.

{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }

Abby May 9, 2014 at 6:11 am

It could be worse. You could be the mom that makes them wear homemade underwear or something, and as kids, they remember the fun parts ;)

You are imperfect in the most perfect way and your girls are so lucky to have you. Happy Mother’s Day!


Dana Talusani May 9, 2014 at 9:22 am


Can you imagine the mom who sews her kids’ undies? The mental picture is cracking me up!


Ami May 9, 2014 at 7:33 am

I wish I was a Sugary Snack Momma. (Heck, I wish I HAD a Sugary Snack Momma.) My oldest daughter wrote, “I love my mom because she reads to me.” Which sounds good, right? All intellectual. Then she went around telling everyone, “And just as soon as I can read myself, I won’t need her at all.” It was a real Kodak moment.
I think you are awesome. Just so you know. And in a world of incredibly flawed people, I think you are less flawed than most.


Dana Talusani May 9, 2014 at 9:27 am


I love your Kodak moment! I’m so glad other people get these little shaming moments. Sure keeps us humble, doesn’t it? xoxo


Jennifer May 9, 2014 at 7:39 am

I don’t know. I think I would be “sugary snack mom” than the kid that is proud to have “all organic non-gmo” mom. We all know she’s no fun to hang out with. You on the other hand are awesome to hang out with. Plus I know you will (maybe) share your cookies with me.


Dana Talusani May 9, 2014 at 9:28 am


I would always share my cookies with you. Even my chocolate. Which tells you how much I love you.


Rudri Bhatt Patel @ Being Rudri May 9, 2014 at 8:54 am

Loved this.

Happy Mother’s Day, Kitch! Hope you have fun celebrating with Momma & the Minxes. xoxo


Annie May 9, 2014 at 12:13 pm

I’d say the sugar plum fairy has nothing on you. =) Fun and treats at the grocery store is a good time in my book. Happy Mother’s day!!


Biz May 9, 2014 at 1:07 pm

Ha, gotta love the honesty of a Kindergartener! Love it. I hope you have a wonderful Momma Day!! Hugs!


Alison May 9, 2014 at 5:27 pm

This just made me adore you more!!
Happy Mother’s Day, Dana!


S in AK May 10, 2014 at 10:55 am

Did I ever tell you about my friend who once told me, “My kids are only little for a short time; I want to be the person they remember as the source of all things wonderful.” And you know there isn’t anything more wonderful to a kiddo than a sugary snack.


C. Troubadour May 10, 2014 at 11:17 am

Happy Mother’s Day, Kitch — I think, for the fun of it, you just may have to do your next grocery trip with a blinged out grocery cart ;)


Devon May 10, 2014 at 2:58 pm

You set this story up I perfectly. I literally LoL’d.


Mary Lee May 12, 2014 at 7:13 am

Cute, cute story! It’s going to be really fun when that girl writes a memoir of her childhood years.

I used to bake cookies for my children. . . who thought a bag of Oreos was the best thing ever. I rarely bought them, so now my thee offspring are skinny while I’m still carrying the heft from years of sampling all that damn cookie dough.

Happy belated Mother’s Day to you! Hugs!


Renalyn Ibale May 14, 2014 at 4:29 am

i love mommy cause she bought me a new toy … thats one thing we can hear from our kids especially boys …


Naptimewriting May 14, 2014 at 11:59 pm

I’m sure…SURE…that one of my kids would write “I love my mommy because sometimes, on rare occasions, when the moon is right and she’s had a nap, she’s almost nice. Almost.”

Sugar beats that, carbs tied behind its back.


Tiffany May 16, 2014 at 3:45 pm

You are an awesome Mom…sugary snacks included!


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