The Un-Birthday

February 24, 2019


You guys, January and February can suck it. Suck it, suck it, kiss my grits and supersuck it.

But first of all, thank you so much for the birthday wishes and kind words and making me laugh with your naughty memes. They made me smile and laugh when it’s been almost impossible to do so.

I did have to cancel (okay…postpone) my birthday this year, though. We didn’t celebrate much because frankly, none of us were feeling it.

Things Making Us Not Feel It:

-I am still really concussed and impaired, and I am so frustrated that sometimes I’m a furious, weepy mess. And sometimes my husband comes home to 7 different wives, which isn’t fun for him, especially when he’s been such a trooper. Even basic tasks like doing laundry or making lunch exhaust me and I have crushing headaches. My vision dicks around with me too, so I can’t really read or write and most of the time I’m in the dark basement like a bitchy Nosferatu.

-Sleep assholery. See above ^^^

-I still can’t drive anywhere, which makes me embarrassingly dependent on the drivers in my house and family friends.

-February has been colder than a Witch’s Tit. It’s the coldest February we’ve had in many years, and even though I can’t really leave the house except to walk the Mozz-man, it’s miserable out there.

-Another loss of a human close to our family last week. It was sudden, shocking and has again left us gasping for air. Miss D. is especially impacted by this one and it hurts to see your child hurt. She’s struggling to figure out how to comfort people she loves, and that’s tough water to navigate for anyone, let alone a seventeen year-old. I guess the only upside is that we’re having some good conversations about how nobody knows what to say in these situations and we all feel paralyzed by the prospect of saying the wrong thing and that’s normal.

And that the only real answer is to just show up.

It’s important, showing up, because we belong to each other, all of us, in our beautiful wreckage. And sometimes we really need each other and it’s okay to just sit with someone and not say anything at all.

So we’re trying to show up.

Well, I’m hibernating like a subterranean creature but it’s  the best I can do.



I guess what I am clumsily trying to say is that I appreciate you showing up for me. It matters. I can’t return the favor right now, but February ends and March will begin and maybe I’ll begin again, too.

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Jen February 24, 2019 at 2:11 pm

I’m sorry you’re struggling right now, Happy Belated Birthday, if I missed it on FB. So glad you’re showing up and able to write. Hang in there, spring will come eventually.


Kel February 25, 2019 at 6:50 am

I don’t have any real words that can help. Just wanted you to know that you’re heard and loved. Losing someone is really hard, but for young people, it can be especially sharp when it blends with their already tumultuous brains and hearts.

As for the concussion stuff, I will offer unsolicited advice from someone who has permanent PCS after 12 concussions. Do NOT rush it. If screens even start to bother your eyes or head, put it down. If you’re dizzy, do not keep standing. The brain is not just a vital organ — it’s also a snide, petulant, vengeful little prick. And if you try to push, it WILL make you regret it with blackouts, nausea, headaches that make you wish for death, and other oh-so-pleasant retributions.

Spring is coming. January and February have been horrific here, too. But spring WILL get here soon.


Dana Talusani February 25, 2019 at 8:09 am


Laughing at snide, petulant little prick. You captured it perfectly.


Lisa @ The Meaning of Me February 25, 2019 at 6:57 am

I’m so sorry you have this pile of shit. It absolutely sucks. Just do what you need to do and the rest of us will be bopping around when you poke your head up. xo


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