Go figure: I forgot.

May 25, 2011

Why didn’t someone send me the memo? You know, the memo about how Motherhood=Swiss Cheese Brain?

How is it that the minute you push a human being out of an impossibly small orifice, you lose an exponential amount of your working brain? Isn’t the birthing process arduous enough?

(pssst: Mr. Narveson–I know I almost flunked Geometry and had to cheat like a bandit to make it through, but check me out…using words like exponential and stuff.)


That’s what happens. Seriously. I can’t maintain a train of thought for more than two minutes.

My brain, which used to function quite well, thank you very much, turned traitor on me the minute I gave birth.  Suddenly, my mind became…bouncy.  Wicked-ass bouncy.  I’m the cranial equivalent of Jiffy Pop.

Oh, you want another pancake? Sure. POP. Please don’t squat and pee in the corner–doNOTsquatandpeeinthecornersohelpmeGod! POP. Honey, you want coffee? Jesus, I forgot to buy coffee. POP. Did Harryboy just throw up on Miss M’s pillow pet? POP. You need a costume for what tomorrow? POP. POP. POP.

Crap I have forgotten recently:

~My purse. At a restaurant. Several times.

~My social security number, even though I attended a university so honking big that my SSN was my name for four years. “And you are?”  “143-872…”

~How to spell my last name when ordering Chinese takeout.

~My cell phone. Or if I don’t forget it, I forget to charge the *&^&% thing.

~Miss D.’s doctor’s appointment.

~The detailed conversations with my husband about Pakistan/India relations. I think we’ve had three of them, and I still can’t remember why they’re pissed off at one another.

~Every damn field trip permission slip for the months April-May.

~What time I need to pick Miss M. up from pre-k.

~Physically registering Miss M. for kindergarten next year. It doesn’t happen automatically. Who knew?

~How long it takes to zap an Easy Mac.

~Garbage day. Buzzkill.

~Volunteer slot at D’s school. Way to make an impression, mom. “Oh, hi scary transvestite-looking lady with dirty hair and a Van-Halen t-shirt, arriving 25 minutes late for the ONE hour you offered to help out at school this week…”

~Bake sale. What? Oreos aren’t acceptable confections?

~Arbor Day celebration at pre-k. Arbor Day? Really? I’m sorry, but I’m almost indignant that I was expected to show up for that shit.

~My own Blog Birthday. I’m off by almost two months. Who forgets things like that? Apparently, mental midgets like me.  I didn’t even realize it until Bryan posted on his two year blog birthday, and then I thought, “Huh. When did I start this thing? Has it been one year? Two?” And then I had to go back into the archives and look. Beginning of April. Two years ago. I suck.

I blame Swiss Cheese Brain.

Anyways, what I really wanted to do was express my deepest thanks to all of you who read my words in this space. Your comments, encouragement, support, and love have meant so much to me. I have the coolest tribe of readers in the Outback.  Y’all rock my block. Special thanks to the lovely Ink, who promised me I could do this bloggy thing, even when I thought she was a liar. And of course to Sarah, who re-designed this silly jumble to look like something legit.


And now for the BIG news!  I am now a proud Auntie for the first time!  Leela Keller was born last evening. She’s a healthy, beautiful 8 1/2 pound bundle of joy!  Congrats to my beautiful sister-in-law and her family!

I think, after two days of labor, my sister-in-law deserves one of these, don’t you?  And pssst…let’s not tell her just yet about that Swiss cheese brain, mmkay?

Watermelon Mojito
recipe courtesy of Giada De Laurentis
serves 4
2 1/2 to 3 pounds watermelon flesh, pits removed
1/2 cup fresh lime juice
1/4 cup mint leaves, plus more for garnish
2 1/2 cups white rum
1/4 cup agave syrup

In a blender, puree watermelon, fresh lime juice and mint in batches until smooth. Strain into a pitcher. Mix in rum and syrup. Serve in glasses filled with ice and garnish with mint leaves.

~Adios, Compadres!  The T. family is off to Mexico shortly to kick off the summer madness!  I will miss you all but will be back in a week or so…hopefully with some  good stories!

ps: If you’ve forgotten something as ridiculous as any of the things on my list above, I’d be thrilled if you’d share.  I need to know that I’m not the only one losing her gray matter. :) xo Love to you all.

{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }

Sherri May 30, 2011 at 6:24 pm

So with you on this…. lost a DS, my phone, my husband’s key to our van – forgot a dress down day at school (my kids wear uniforms), sign up for all summer academic and athletic camps, my daughter’s last tuition installment – had the video recorder on pause for my kindergartner’s wonderful graduation Lion King performance AND his song in Italian….. Hmmm…. where do I STOP? Brain fry… Can so relate. I think I need a mojito.


PhaseThreeOfLife June 2, 2011 at 4:57 pm

Every time I leave the house for several hours, I leave behind something crucial. Like bottles. Or diapers. Or a toy when I’m going to the pediatrician.

Every. Single. Time. I always think I’ve learned my lesson, but the next time, the info escapes right out those swiss cheese holes in my brain as I’m getting ready to leave.


Merrilymarylee June 3, 2011 at 12:36 pm

I’m sure we’re related.

Make sure you carry the new niece in a Baby Bjorn if you’re allowed to take her out. And congratulations, Auntie! I hope they live close by so that your girls can help spoil her.

I don’t mention my Swiss Cheese brain either. No need.


Lanita June 3, 2011 at 4:08 pm

Congrats on two years of wit and recipes!

I’m not sure the Swiss cheese brain is a result of pushing a living being out of a small orifice. I adopted my kids and I suffer from the ailment. It must be something in the dirty diapers.


Dawn June 3, 2011 at 5:06 pm

Oh so with you there…and never had kids! I blame being of a certain age. At least that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it. Wait. Sticking to what?


Liz June 9, 2011 at 3:32 pm

Forgotten lately:
~lost 3 sets of keys in the last week.
~spelled my last name wrong on the library schedule at work.

I’m sure I’ve forgotten more, but well, I forgot.

Congrats on the anniversary…you know I think you rock. And oh yeah, that reminds me, I remembered my blogaversary, but forgot to order the blog to print book I created and stored for the second year. Thanks for the reminder….


cuci June 9, 2011 at 8:00 pm

it’s been a while since i read your blog as things just got too crazy in my side of the world. and now that i’m catching up, i must tell you how much i’m enjoying it !

loved your vacay pics ! it brought so much memories about our own vacay mishaps when the kids were that age as well. oh dear, time really flies fast !

i’m sooooo interested to make this watermelon mojito but the problem is, where i live, there’s no agave syrup. :-( what can you suggest i substitute it with ? we have the sweetest watermelons and the best white rum though ! hope to hear from you as i am aching to try this the soonest :-)

keep well !


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lorena July 30, 2014 at 12:44 pm

lol it comes with having yours and everyone else’s! Mine started at an early age. I took 4 nieces and nephews to raise! And it is amazing at what you forget! And this is with a photographic memory! Then I took another niece and nephew on. And through all of this I had 4 of my own and 2 extra curricular activities that my hubby had ~ but thats a whole ‘nother story. But it is amazing how much you find out you don’t know ( I have/had an IQ of 140) when you have kids in your life! When you have 12 kids in your life its oh Mom you dont knoww anything. But while I could explain the theory of relativity to the I was told I didn’t know anything about kids. LOL I found out they were right, unfortunarely. LOL Well its not so much the swiss cheese effect as it is as the harassed mother effect! Trying to do ten things at once! Somethings are gonna slip through the cracks! Don’t worry the older they get the worse it gets. LOL Untill they have children of thier own. Then they get it. And your not ass dimb as they thought. Then it is ~ Every time they open thier mouth thier mother comes out Good luck and god bless you for doing the foriegn exchange students. You will be blessed and your life enriched forever for it!


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