Participating at MamaKat’s Writing Workshop today! I chose the prompt: Tell us 10 things that you say to your kids that other mommies don’t.
Forgive me in advance.
1. “Please don’t put that Nerf dart into your vagina.”
2. “Why do your feet smell like pee?”
3. “As a matter of fact, no. I have not met George Washington.”
4. “It’s called a vegetable. Gag it down or no food until morning.”
5. “I packed carrots in your lunch because you’re ugly and I don’t love you at all…Sucka!”
6. “What’s for dinner? Go next door and ask the neighbors. I’m done feeding you for the day.”
7. “What’s for dinner? Well, Mommy was too lazy to go to the grocery store today, so I roasted the cat. Hope you’re hungry!”
8. “I’m sorry that you are starving, but it is 2 in the goddamned morning. Get your butt back in bed NOW. If it’s so bad, you know where the crackers are.”
9. “Is it possible to make a beer slushie? I need one in order to deal with you today.”
10. “Please remove the hamster from your training bra.”
Hope you have a happy weekend, readers! We’ll be dealing with snow and cobbling together Halloween costumes (because I suck). Thank goodness that Miss D. has changed her mind about wanting to dress up as a giant Gummi Bear. I had no idea how I was gonna make that one happen. Costume nightmare.