A Halloween Story

October 31, 2012

Greetings, Readers! I hope those of you on the East coast are okay? Forget Halloween and goblins–Miss Sandy is scary stuff. Mother Nature has quite the temper. Maybe she is going through puberty like Miss D.? Hoo-boy.

But even in stormy times, Halloween happens. One chilly October in North Dakota, I contracted pneumonia and Mama allowed me to don a costume, but I was heartbroken. I wandered around the house, hacking and full of self-pity, dressed like the most pathetic Koala bear ever.

And then there was the year when money was so tight that it was choke-in-the-throat alarming, but Mama came through. She spent days dye-ing sheets black and thrumming on the sewing machine; my sister and I ended up with the best witch costumes ever.

I know the universe is full of craziness and flooding and blizzards right now, but it’s the little things, like some face paint, an ancient pillowcase, the yearning for sugary delights and a whole night ahead of you…those are what you remember. Kids love Halloween, and even if you have to put it off for a day or two or heck, even five, do it. Do it anyways.

Because that’s the gold. The good stuff.

I know I have been off schedule here, but I thought a little Halloween mischief was in order. Boo!



A few years ago, the Minxes got their hands on a very posh, highly over-priced Halloween catalog (note to self: throw out all Halloween catalogs before entering the house after the mailbox trek).  Within minutes, each one was desperately enamored with a costume in the catalog. What’s a mom to do? (total cost, with shipping, for two posh Halloween costumes: $134.78).
Miss M. picked out this really beautiful but odd costume–it was a feathered witch costume with bat wings and cat ears. Odd indeed, but a girl wants what she wants, eh?

A few days before Halloween, Miss D.’s 3rd grade class was talking about costumes/Halloween plans, and D. blurted out: “Hey, Mrs. Lewis! Guess what my sister is dressing up as? She’s gonna be a BITCH for Halloween!” Bat. Cat. Witch.
Mrs. Lewis called me from school, laughing. She said, “You could tell that D. didn’t know what that word meant but several of the students did, and they gave me this dodgy look like, ‘Umm, Mrs. Lewis? Whatcha gonna do about this?'”
Ah, life with children. Never a dull minute.


Hope your day is wonderful and that your little goblins enjoy.

ps: I think I’m gonna be a BITCH this Halloween. No costume necessary.

{ 41 comments… read them below or add one }

Abby October 31, 2012 at 5:50 am

Today I’m an apathetic overworked and underpaid employee/frustrated writer/vegan yoga Buddhist wanna-be with a bruise that has turned green on her head and cat hair on her shirt. And for Halloween, I’m also going as a bitch ;)


TKW October 31, 2012 at 7:02 am

Bitches of the world, UNITE!


Tiffany October 31, 2012 at 6:30 am

I’ve seen those catalogs…and swooned myself…and then hid them! I’m sure they looked gorgeous…even as a bitch! Happy Halloween! I’m going as a overworked/underpaid/underappreciated WAHM. ;)


TKW October 31, 2012 at 7:02 am

And a beautiful, big-hearted person.


Arnebya October 31, 2012 at 7:49 am

In the words of rapper Lupe Fiasco: Bitch Bad. BUT. Context, ladies! The bitch I plan to be is not the bitch he refers to in that song SO I’M GOOD WITH IT.

My girls have NOTHING. Zero costume. No wigs, no hats, no nothing. The boy has a $5 cape I got from some store months ago but that’s it. I suppose I can throw some makeup on their faces, give them a tattered sheet (a sheet that needs to be tattered as none is currently sufficiently bad enough to be considered such) and call it a day. No one trick or treats in our neighborhood but I’m thinking maybe we’ll drive up to one of the ones that does and just have at it.


TKW October 31, 2012 at 7:59 am


People here do that–if they don’t have a neighborhood that has a lot of houses or one with almost zero kids in it, they’ll drive over here (or some other neighborhood). I always think, the more the merrier! ps: if desperate, The Hobo costume always works in a pinch.


elizabeth October 31, 2012 at 9:06 am

Miss D. lives up to her internet nickname! :) Hi-larious. And Miss M. sounds like she’s going to have killer style as she grows up.

I have a feeling I’m going to be a BITCH this year myself if the kids in my building are anything like they were last year. They didn’t even say thank you!


TKW October 31, 2012 at 10:09 am


Give those rotten buggers laxative brownies this year.


Katybeth October 31, 2012 at 9:15 am

Halloween is our favorite holiday. In years past we had huge Halloween Parties with dearly departed Joe’s chili and decorations that dated back to Cole’s first halloween when he was King Cole, of-course. We had it a couple of years after he died but it just wasn’t the same. In many ways Halloween has been harder than any other holiday. But the bright side is Cole loves to dress up and since he started Highschool has been choosing a different person in the high school to dress up as—65 kids in highschool— but the twist is he goes as the kids opposite. Last year he went as outgoing Joe…the real Joe is shy. However, he look so much like the real Joe they switched classes without the teacher catching on. This year he is going as a white Isaac complete with dreadlocks and some of Isaac borrowed clothes. Not sure they will be able to fool the teachers tho…. I was worried at first someone might think Cole was “making fun” but alas no phone calls yet and Joe’s mom took pictures. Next year he is planning to go as one of the girls in the class who is constantly over stepping the non existent dress code by a mile. Shopping for dreadlocks at 9pm or spray painting at midnight the night before Halloween…..these times are so precious. . . Happy Halloween to you and a big Boo and lots of non organic (can you believe it–Organic lolly’s along side trick or treat carrots–get me a gun) big size treats for your Minx’s.


TKW October 31, 2012 at 10:08 am


You made me cry. I’ll be lighting a candle for Joe tonight (and making chili, because…weird…I always make chili on Halloween, too).

ps: one of our neighbors always gives out toothbrushes on Halloween. Whaaa?


Ayala October 31, 2012 at 11:14 am

You made me laugh :) Happy Halloween !


Kristen @ Motherese October 31, 2012 at 11:32 am

Love that story, especially as a former teacher.

Oh, and you’re not fooling anyone trying to convince us you’re a bitch – unless, of course, you mean “bitch” as in nervous small dog, ’cause that one I buy. xo


TKW October 31, 2012 at 11:37 am


Nervous small dog riding a very swift broom? xo


Alexandra October 31, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Yeah, we have the weirdies that give out candy stapled to their biz stationery, or fridge magnets as candy?

what the?

Also, still with the pennies??


BUT remember the days of the cellophaned HOME MADE popcorn balls?

I knew you would.


TKW November 1, 2012 at 12:48 pm


North Dakota is the official state of homemade, cellophane-wrapped popcorn balls. Maybe because we all had no money, and popcorn balls saved the day? I preferred popcorn balls, because otherwise, it was those nasty weirdo orange&black taffy thingamabobs. What freakshow things are they?

And pennies/nickels! Unicef money! Dang. I’d forgotten about that.

Did I just say “Unicef?” Going out to buy my estrogen pills and Depends undergarments now.


Justine October 31, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Those catalogs are evil, evil things! And I cackled at your “no costume necessary” comment. I think it’s all talk. Under that I’m-gonna-eat-your-puppy exterior, you’re just a sweet koala bear.


TKW November 1, 2012 at 7:54 am


Aren’t koala bears always stoned on eucalyptus leaves? Hmm. Not a bad existence, I gather. :)


Maggie S. October 31, 2012 at 4:16 pm

BITCH??? You mean to tell me I could market my holey sweatshirt and jeans with more lycra than Superman as a costume and get $55 a set???


TKW November 1, 2012 at 7:56 am


The Halloween costume industry is a racket, I tell ya. I bet you could get 55 bucks.


suzicate October 31, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Love that the teacher has a great sense of humor! I was a bitch but then all the adorable children started showing up at my door and I got over it!


TKW November 1, 2012 at 7:57 am


Children are adorable? Did I never get that memo? Still riding the broomstick over here…


Stacia October 31, 2012 at 5:24 pm

My kids chose to be cats this year. I thought they were kidding at first because it was so easy. I thought for sure they would pull out the “Oh, never mind, we want to be homemade matching peacocks with sequins and feathers please.” But, cats we are. Next year though? Peacocks, I just know it.


TKW November 1, 2012 at 7:58 am


Just hearing about it made me want to be a peacock next year. Can you make an extra costume?


Jennifer October 31, 2012 at 8:08 pm

Darnit. I should have seen if Cady would have accepted my dressing up as a bitch for Halloween. Maybe next year.


TKW November 1, 2012 at 7:59 am


This is why I love you. You’d have to dress up to be a bitch.


BigLittleWolf November 1, 2012 at 11:01 am

I was a… um… dare I admit… a Shoe Tree.

Not exactly a stretch!


TKW November 1, 2012 at 6:00 pm

A shoe tree? I love it.


Sherri November 1, 2012 at 11:48 am

Let’s see, I’m a bitch most of the year, so…. what should I do for Halloween (here in PA, our Halloween is postponed until Sat. because of the storm – so…. I still have time to get a broomstick…. or wait – what does a bitch ride exactly?)?

Happy Halloween!


TKW November 1, 2012 at 12:49 pm


Someone suggested a Dyson?


Contemporary Troubadour November 1, 2012 at 1:43 pm

I so needed to read this just now. Halloween came one day early for me to be a proper bitch, but today, oh today. If it were still Halloween, no costume necessary.

As for Unicef — oh how long it’s been. For some reason, I always felt uncomfortable asking for money when people were already giving me candy! But I do remember carrying that little box around, wondering just where all those coins would end up.


Dana November 1, 2012 at 2:41 pm

This year for Halloween I repurposed my brother’s old uniform and went as a boy scout. Darn if I wasn’t cute.

My mister made the choice to be a priest… the combo was a little creepy.


TKW November 1, 2012 at 6:06 pm


You can’t be a boy scout with a priest in the back! Dangit, I am awful.


Jamie November 1, 2012 at 3:53 pm

I get enticed by those damn “posh” costumes every year. And I’m long out of elementary school! What’s my excuse?


TKW November 1, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Save money and just be a BITCH from now on. Just buy a broom :)


Robin November 1, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Once I made an elaborate costume, head to toe – with a pattern and a sewing machine. Trust me. It was worth every penny you paid.

You crack me up. And your daughter seems to have inherited the humor gene :)


TKW November 1, 2012 at 6:14 pm


I want a picture! Please tell me that you took one.


Robin November 2, 2012 at 7:43 am

It is in an old photo album somewhere – in a box – not unpacked from the move. I’ll have to dig it out and scan it, which I should do with all of my old photos – a project I have been putting off for another day.


Jane November 2, 2012 at 9:11 am

Again, you have me snort-laughing my tea.
My nose hurts.


Velva November 2, 2012 at 5:37 pm

I can honestly say that I have never seen a Halloween catalog. I suddenly feel deprived. I have an ancient pillow case…just need a posh costume :-)

Happy Belated Halloween to you and the minxes.



The Curious Cat November 3, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Haha! So funny! Children are so funny sometimes! Hope you all had a fun Halloween! Lots of Love xxx


Heather November 4, 2012 at 7:27 pm

This year we made the mistake of taking the boys to the Halloween City store. Keegan has been gaga over anything tie-dye since making a t-shirt this summer at camp. They had a kids sized, tie-dyed body suit complete with face hoodie and afro wig for $60. For a Halloween costume are you freakin’ kiddin’ me??? Thank GAWD they were sold out of the kid’s size. As it was I was offering to buy him Madagascar 3 to get the damn polka dot afro and tie-dye some long johns for him. Thankfully he decided on a plain, black robed ghoul for $10. There’s always next year!


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