Pretty soon, the day of
Bird Worship Mashed Potatoes and Gravy Lovin’ will be upon us.
You know what that means: bloggers around the nation will begin storming the Interwebs with gratitude posts. This is fine by me. I like to hear about other people’s nice shit. Truly. I am really getting really old, and my world’s been low on the Fab-o-Meter lately, so share away.
Things have been a leetle rickety around these parts so I think a gratitude post is long overdue. So strap on your rainbow suspenders, grab that swirly all-day sucker, and dab that bacon-flavored cologne behind your ears, because today, it is all about the happy!
Dana’s November Gratitude List:
– For this. My husband loves me even in my pathetic geekdom. He actually thinks I am “cute nerdy,” which I will take above many, many other things I’ve been called. Although now that I think on it, that’s not so remarkable given that he and I both, in our childhood, read the Webster’s Dictionary and the entire collection of Encyclopedias Brittanica on our own. For fun.
– For U2’s “Baby Please Come Home,” which blared from the speakers of the grocery store while I was manhandling the lettuce the other day. Hell yeah, it’s way too early for Christmas songs, but if people are gonna play them, can’t go wrong with Bono.
– For that whole Batkid thing and those who made it happen. I’m certainly over it now (and the whole media glut that’s followed), but I gotta say…San Francisco? I was really proud to have you as a part of our Nation this week. And yeah, it cost a lot. But I don’t care.
– For the ladies in my book club. Thank you, women of fortitude, for ignoring the
cursing sounds of my husband, who was was fervently digging out a turd the size of a Subway sandwich from the downstairs toilet for the entirety of our last meeting. Which I was hosting.
– For my friend Cindy, who I will be spending Thanksgiving with this year. Not only can that kid write like gangbusters, but she will publicly share, without hesitation, that Goof Off does NOT remove dried boogers from household walls.
– For my friends from the past. You have to be a hard-core nutjob to endure my company for this amount of time. I love you. I especially love you because this week, when a friend was having a particularly shitty day, my friend Greg posted a video on Facebook of him playing music. With his ears. Screw the cool cats, people. I swear.
– For credit good enough to purchase two (ugh!) new furnaces for the house. Man, it’s a drag to have to shill out for boring necessities, but I’m glad there’s some wiggle room in the budget. Because it’s 12 degrees out and we are warm. Bye bye, 12 grand. *sob* Nice to know you.
-For new opportunities. Thanks, Aiming Low, for welcoming me on staff! I’m so excited.
-For late nights at the office. God, I’m glad hubby is swamped at work. I have developed a new addiction to Kashi Go Lean Crunch cereal and the digestive fallout from this little crush has been alarming. What the fuck do they put in that stuff? I’ll eat it in the morning and I am still Nasty McFartacus at dinner time. *a little aside: I used to know a lady at the gym who swore that she ate nothing but Kashi Go Lean cereal for all meals. I’m betting she’s divorced by now.
-For drama-free school dances.
-For long marriages and tolerance of the Poo Baby.**
-For you readers, natch. I will be freezing my ass off in DC and mooning that giant statue of Abraham Lincoln and pillaging the Smithsonian and cooking Fatal Thanksgiving dinner, but you readers will never be far from my thoughts. Have a wonderful holiday.
**The Poo Baby is proof that marriage rocks. After you are married to the same person for while, nothing fazes you. Even the Poo Baby. We will be traveling quite a distance and for some duration this holiday. Travel is both wondrous and hard. Think cramped space, uneven mealtimes, off-kilter schedules, one measly toilet in a hotel room. Travel is digestive suicide.
Cue the lights:
Scene: Dissheveled hotel room. Man and woman lie on on bed, adorned in hotel bathrobes, flicking through t.v. channels. Noise blares from a nearby hide-a-bed.
Woman: “Is there ever a day ‘CSI: SVU’ isn’t on television somewhere, on some network?”
Man: [sotto vocce] “Hey honey…”
Woman: “I mean, seriously. It is always on.
Man: leaning in closer. “Hey honey? The Kanes said they’d take the girls swimming for a while this afternoon…think you might be up for a little…” [nudgenudge]
Woman: [sadly] “Oh, baby, you know that sounds wonderful, but… [woman rips off hotel robe, baring an enormous, distended belly]…the Poo Baby is marinating in here.”
Woman: [rubbing belly] “You know, it might be twins.”
Man: [pulling up jeans and digging for iPhone] “Holy Beejezus. Okay, there’s gotta be a pharmacy near here…”
Woman: “Get the extra strengh.”
Man: [putting on coat] “Found one. I’ll be back.”
Woman: [singsong voice] “Thanks, honey!” [hollers as the door slams] “Champagne will be on ice when you get back!”
Happy Thanksgiving Holiday, Readers. I hope y’all have an amazing few days with family and friends. Hogs and Quiches.