“Get That F-ing Ham Outta Here” Breakfast Bake

December 29, 2014

 

 

Hello, Readers! I hope you all are well and are surviving the holidays? I hope you’re warm and cozy and spending time with the people you love best.

I know it’s horrible to say, but I’m kind of glad Christmas is over. Don’t get me wrong–there’s lots to love about the holiday season and our Christmas this year was truly one of the best I can remember, but all of that noise and activity and bustling about isn’t really my speed. And while lots of people spread joy and approach the holidays with a spirit of giving, those last 2 weeks of December sometimes bring out the worst in people.

Example: a few years ago, I was in the (totally packed) local grocery store, picking up yummy things for our Christmas dinner, and I watched in awe and horror as two suburban ladies got into a physical tussle over the last Honeybaked ham. I mean, they actually engaged in a heated tug-of-war over pork product in front of the ham kiosk. The poor lady working the kiosk was wild-eyed and kept shouting, “more hams are arriving in about an hour! The truck is on its way!” but these ladies were having none of it. They wanted that damn ham and they wanted it now.

These ladies didn’t even look like those crazy, trashy, Black-Friday-at-Walmart kind of women, either. They looked like normal, PTO-going, yoga-class-attending, Starbucks-drinking gals, but the stress of the perfect holiday dinner (and the last damn ham) had turned them into snarling wolverines.

It was horrifying.

So horrifying, in fact, that the incident has stayed with me to this day, and I am now very careful about the timing of my holiday ham purchase. Two days before Christmas, I get to the local Kroger at 8:45 am sharp to secure my place in line. I wait the agonizing 15 minutes without moving a muscle (no leaving my cart to grab a bag of cranberries or a bottled water) until the Honeybaked ham lady shuffles in and opens up the kiosk. I wait the other agonizing 10 minutes while she fumbles about and riffles though papers and searches for a sharpened pencil. I wait nicely and patiently and I smile indulgently as she apologizes for being disorganized and late. And I get my damn ham, by cracky. And then I run to the checkout lane, hunched protectively over my acquisition, lest anyone try to wrestle it out of my meaty grip before I can pay for it and zip the Hell home.

I do this both for self-preservation and for love, because my older child, Miss D., absolutely adores Honeybaked ham. She lives for it. She dreams about it. She also knows that Honeybaked ham is a once-a-year indulgence because the dang things are more expensive than platinum, so how could I bear her disappointment and tears if I failed in my ham-seeking mission?

That’s something I simply cannot do.

Miss D. must have been a very good girl this year, because when I got to that ham kiosk a few days ago, I picked out a whopper. A fat, juicy, twelve pound whopper.

It was a ridiculous thing, buying a ham like that, since it was just us chickens (plus Mama and Daddy) for Christmas dinner, but I just couldn’t seem to help myself. I shelled over my 100 bucks without a second thought. I’m not sure if my ham purchase was out of greed or generosity, but heck, what’s the use in overthinking?

Anyways. Lets just say that we have a lot of leftover ham. A. lot.

Even after I wrapped a sizable portion for Mama and Daddy to take home after Christmas dinner, we were still dealing with hecka lotta ham. A Ham Matterhorn, if you will.

The Ham Matterhorn wasn’t really a problem the first few days after Christmas. We happily munched on it for dinner, and tucked it into lunch time sandwiches, and snacked on it alongside slices of cheese and crackers. But by day three of Hamgate, we were kind of burning out on the stuff. Pork is a beautiful thing, especially cured and glazed with that crack sugar coating, but still…

It was time to get creative with the ham.

I grabbed a stack of cooking magazines and a few of my favorite cookbooks and spent a few hours planning my ham strategy. I think I have things pretty well figured out.  So here’s my holiday gift to you, readers! Recipes featuring all things ham!

You’re welcome.

First up: this delectable little breakfast bake. Again, it’s kind of a mashup of several different recipes I found in different places–what can I say? I’m hard to please and kind of ADD when it comes to following a recipe. I just need to do things on my own terms, which is why I’m a disaster at baking, but oh well. Nobody’s perfect.

This breakfast bake comes pretty close to perfect, though. You can make it in advance and refrigerate it, or you can eat it soon after assembly. It’s good for breakfast or brunch, but it also makes a lovely dinner alongside a green salad (a nice crisp glass of chablis isn’t a bad idea, either). It’s stuffed with lots of little goodies like goat cheese and artichokes and sturdy cubes of Ciabatta bread.

And ham. The gift that keeps on giving.

If you, too, have some holiday pork sitting around in your refrigerator, give this recipe a try. It’s yum.

^ not the best photo but winter lighting, yo

 

“Outta Here” Breakfast Bake

serves 6

1 tablespoon olive oil

1/2 cup chopped shallot or onion

1 tablespoon minced garlic

1 10-ounce package frozen artichoke hearts, thawed

1 1/2 cups chopped leftover ham that you cannot stand to look at

1 3/4 cups whole milk

1/2 teaspoon black pepper

1/4 teaspoon salt

4 large eggs

1/3 cup parmesan cheese, grated

1/2 of a 1-pound loaf of country bread or Ciabatta loaf, cut into 1-inch squares (about 5 cups)

4 oz. goat cheese, coated with herbs de Provence*

 

Heat olive oil in a medium skillet over moderate heat. Saute shallot until softened and fragrant, about 5 minutes. Add in garlic and saute 2 more minutes. Remove from heat.

In a large bowl, combine milk, eggs, pepper, salt and eggs. Whisk well, add onion mixture, ham, artichoke hearts,  grated Parmesan and bread cubes. Let stand for 20 minutes.

At this point, you can cover the bowl and refrigerate the mixture if you plan to eat it at another time. Just bring the dish out and let it warm at room temperature for about 15 minutes and then proceed with the last part of the recipe.

 

Preheat oven to 375. Pour half of the egg/bread mixture into an 8-inch buttered casserole dish. Layer half of goat cheese over, repeat layers, ending with goat cheese.

 

Bake for 50 minutes or until golden and bubbly.

* If you can’t find goat cheese that’s covered in Herbs de Provence, no biggie. Just add 1/2 teaspoon dried Herbs de Provence (or you can use dried thyme instead) to the egg mixture.

 

It’s good to be back in this space after a few weeks, dear Readers. I’ve missed you! The Minxes are still out of school, so my attendance here will be a bit spotty (they hog the Internet when they are home and I have trouble accessing it when they’re both surfing the Interwebs) but I’d love it if you’d check in. Please tell me about your holiday meal, or what Santa brought you, or anything special that happened, or if you witnessed suburban ladies fighting over a ham in the Kroger. Anything, really. Just share. I’m all ears. And ham.

 

 

{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

Barbara December 29, 2014 at 9:56 am

Your ham story reminded me of the movie (which was godawful) Christmas With the Kranks.
I used to have a HB ham in the days when I had 14 people over. I gave some of it away to the guests and then made a scalloped potato and ham casserole the next night. Then came pea soup with what was left, which I froze. That was pretty much the end of it, although my boys liked ham sandwiches for lunch so that helped.
Glad you had a happy….we did too. Quiet and nice. Went out to dinner too!

Reply

Dana Talusani December 31, 2014 at 6:16 pm

Barbara,

You went out to dinner? SWOON. Although then you don’t get the scalloped potato/ham thingy that I happen to love and actually made first thing during HamGate.

Reply

Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes December 29, 2014 at 10:44 am

A tug of war over ham… well I can honestly say I’ve never seen that.

Reply

Dana Talusani December 31, 2014 at 6:17 pm

Tinne,

It was so weird! And oddly vicious.

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elizabeth December 29, 2014 at 11:14 am

You know, I usually lament the fact that we have yet to host a major holiday meal, but maybe it’s for the best that I don’t have to do it and then deal with the holiday-specific madness that seems to take over people’s minds between November and the end of the year because I would have no time for that crap. At least you have a strategy to get in and out of there in as little time as possible!

Reply

Dana Talusani December 31, 2014 at 6:18 pm

elizabeth,

i think you are going to make up for it with your NY Eve festivities. Happy 2015, friend that I love.

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Jennifer December 30, 2014 at 6:52 am

Major ham disappointment over the holidays. David’s job does work for one of our local meat processing companies and in turn they allow them to pick something they want at Christmas. David got the whole ham. Unfortunately, unlike in years past, this one had not yet been cured and smoked… which we didn’t know until after we cooked it. It was like a 20 pound pork roast in my oven. That had not been seasoned because I thought “ham” doesn’t need to be seasoned. Right? Now I have to go get a real ham for New Year’s because of the severe ham disappointment.

Reply

Dana Talusani December 30, 2014 at 7:22 am

Jennifer,

The horror! Ham disappointment is a terrible thing. Glad you plan to remedy the situation for New Year’s.

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Tiffany December 30, 2014 at 7:24 am

I borrowed a page from your book and had Italian for Christmas dinner! We happily ate chicken Parmesan leftovers for two days!

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Dana Talusani December 31, 2014 at 6:20 pm

Tiff,

Chicken Parm? That is Heaven! Happy 2015 and best wishes to you, gorgeous.

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Pamela December 30, 2014 at 7:51 am

i am glad Christmas is over too. We had fondue for Christmas (just plain, no cheese) and I made those Bon appetit cheese balls. We each had 3 and now no one wants to look at them again. They are like evil eyes in my fridge now.

Reply

Dana Talusani December 31, 2014 at 6:26 pm

Pamela,

How do you have fondue without cheese? Did you do the meat variety? I need to know.

There would never be leftover cheese anything in my house, but I can trade you leftover cheese balls for ham…:) I love you.

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Sherri December 30, 2014 at 7:54 am

Ham casserole to the rescue :). I saw those snarling wolverines too – in a Whole Foods, attacking the guy for turkeys. Oddly, I walked right up and told him I did not pre-order / asked what I should do. He handed me a little turkey and said “no prob” – hmmm…. maybe because I was not pushing and snarling :) – ??

Anyway – Happy New Year!!

Reply

Dana Talusani December 31, 2014 at 6:27 pm

Sherri,

Toasting to your non-aggressive turkey strategy. Good on you, smart girl. Wishing you the best this year, and thanks for being here.

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D. A. Wolf December 30, 2014 at 3:00 pm

How do you manage to wrestle anything from a chuckle to a guffaw over Honeybaked ham???

Now that I’m done laughing, let me say that your recipe looks and sounds delish. (Would it work with the STILL leftover turkey and stuffing?)

Happy New Year, Lovely Friend.

xo

Reply

Dana Talusani December 31, 2014 at 6:28 pm

I adore you, Wolf Lady. Better or Worse, we know each other.xoxo

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Jeri December 31, 2014 at 12:28 pm

I always buy the most absurdly large holiday roast I can find (ham, turkey or other) and portion it up for the freezer. Those leftovers that get boring at the time are much appreciated a month or two down the road.

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Dana Talusani December 31, 2014 at 6:29 pm

Jeri,

That is smart. I did not plan ahead, and thus, we are finishing up HamGate this weekend. #finishline

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Biz January 1, 2015 at 6:44 pm

I love ham (or pork!) in any form – ham macaroni and cheese being my favorite way to use it up, but that does look delish. If I make it for breakfast, it’s okay to have a crisp chablis to go with it at 8:00 a.m., right?! :D Happy New Year my friend! Thanks for being such a great friend to me these last few weeks.

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