An Open Letter to October

October 25, 2010

Dear October,

Dude, what is your deal? Usually we have such a great time together. Long walks under leafy kaleidoscopes, cool nights near crackling fires, festive birthday dinners with people we love, giggle-filled trips to the pumpkin patch…

Well, okay, the pumpkin patch still happened (although why’d you kick up that asthma-inducing dust at the end?) but for the most part, October, you’ve been up to some Karmic Assholery.

A few cases in point:

~One, if not both, of my girls has been sick for the entirety of this long-ass month. What is it with this croupy, snotty, hacking nonsense?  Must they keep passing it back and forth, like some viral boomerang?

~All of my grand plans for fall family photos? Dashed. Miss. M., unable to breathe (see above) has decided to awaken at 5am for weeks on end; we’re calling her The Rooster. The Rooster is so tired and germy that by noon, she’s got bags under her eyes like Al Capone. Miss D. grew the enormous incisors from Hell and resembles a feral rabbit. And I, lucky girl that I am, got the chin zit that will not die. We’re a motley-looking bunch–there will be no October close ups.

~A hormonal influx in the third grade? Geddheckouttahere! D.’s got more highs and lows than the Matterhorn. Last week she cried because *everyone* has a dog except her, she doesn’t own red shoes and she’s out of mechanical pencils. I totally don’t have the constitution for this. She also got so mad at her math homework that she kicked a door. And then cried because her foot hurt. Sigh.

~The voles have returned. Come on! Didn’t they learn from the pretty little kill boxes I put outside this past spring? We are not a vole-friendly establishment. Go eat someone else’s lawn!

~Okay, that crater I’ve got across my forehead? That is insult enough. But then, when I finally get motivated to Botox it, and lurch out of the doctor’s office, puffy and discolored, who do I see in the waiting room? The neighbor who thoroughly dislikes me. Awesome. Thanks for that.

~The topper to this month was this past week. Croup and poops and barfs. Tally of sheets, pillows, towels, stuffed animals washed? Miss M: 8. Miss D: 3. Mommy:2. And don’t even get me started on the underwear total…

So Suck It, October.


!!! In honor of my being done with you, October, I am pleased to announce that Bruce, of Privilege of Parenting, is taking the reins on Wednesday. Readers, if you haven’t met Bruce or visited his blog before, you’re in for a treat. He blogs about all things family, philosophical, psychological, and cultural to name a few. But just for you, readers, he’ll be relating an epic tussle he once had with a Duck a’la Orange.  You don’t want to miss it!

Please don’t forget that I’m at From the Monkey Bars today, wishing my Daddy-O a Happy Birthday. I’d love it if you’d swing by!

{ 27 comments… read them below or add one }

Wendi @ Bon Appetit Hon October 26, 2010 at 5:39 am

Kitch, October has been all wonky here too. I am almost afraid to see what November has in store for us.


SuziCate October 26, 2010 at 6:55 am

This is so funny. I think you should photograph your Motley crew and then do another when you all look great…can be used as a motivational tool when you feel crummy, you can always say at least it’s not as bad as when…..


Erin Margolin October 26, 2010 at 7:02 am

I know I shouldn’t be laughing, but I am. It sounds like we’ve both had really sucky Octobers. I am hoping November will be an improvement. As for the poops and pukes, we’re waiting our turn there. We’re dealing with the snot and gunk right now. Suckage. But hey, at least I can gorge myself on Halloween candy, right?!?!


Aging Mommy October 26, 2010 at 7:55 am

Oh I am sorry to hear you are all sick! My daughter and I are both sick too. I love fall but I certainly do NOT love the germ fest that begins with a return to school.

Like Erin however, I laughed all the way through reading this – you tell a tragic story so very comically :-)


Justine October 26, 2010 at 8:51 am

Yuck. October does not sound like your friend. Hope you guys get better soon and that November is much, much better to all of you. How can it not me, with all that turkey, stuffing and pumpkin pie? Cheers and hugs to your clan.


Kelly October 26, 2010 at 10:47 am

I must say, I feel for you and if October must go then so be it. I hope you all feel better soon. Your story made me laugh but also reminded me of my own monsters now weekly transformation to queen pig. Since we cannot force her to take taps (she is 2.5) we just leave her in her crib (yes crib don’t judge, we have to contain her somehow) and she plays, sings, destroys and well…paints herself with poop. -what-huh…ya that’s right, all over herself, the walls, the bed, anything within reach. This horrific scene has happen not once or twice but three times. Its enough to knock you off your feet and seriously contemplate your place on earth as a parent, it also requires bottle of wine! No amount of threats, lectures, time-outs, prison (I kid) has stopped this behavior. I am now so paranoid when she takes a nap I just stare into our monitor listening for any disturbing sounds, but she is clever, she leaves her diaper on, so as not to give away her plans with the sound of unzipping Velcro. I am so hypersensitive to where her hands are now the poor kid thinks mom is a bit “off.” This is a phase right, someone tell me it is, lie if you have too.

This week I will be purchasing a video monitor.

sorry, i am not sure where that all came from.


TKW October 26, 2010 at 3:39 pm

Kelly, that’s a horror story! Miss D. did that a couple of times, and oh, man, it was foul. I totally recommend wine–it’s the only way!


Nikole Hahn October 26, 2010 at 3:41 pm

Dear October,

You’re not over yet. Is there still a chance for this family to enjoy dashing through your fallen leaves, pretending the chocolates are contaminated and eating them, and could you bring on that magical moment that helps them forgive you for the motley month that it’s been for them?

Signed, A New Friend


Liz @ Peace, Love & Guacamole October 26, 2010 at 7:27 pm

What IS it with chin zits? It’s absolutely the worst place to get one…mine always take forever to heal too. Have you tried hydrogen peroxide?


claire October 26, 2010 at 7:54 pm

hahah ohhh myyyy gaaa! this is the best thing i have read in a LONG time! I am right there with you… suck it october!!!

And warning… 4-12th grade get worse!


Rudri October 27, 2010 at 6:43 am

Sorry you’ve had a bummer of the month. My September sounds like your October. November is around the corner. Here’s to health for you and your girls.

On another note, the term karmic assholery – I love it!


Lori @ In Pursuit of Martha Points October 27, 2010 at 8:16 am

Ummm…I cry because I don’t have red shoes.

Mechanical pencils though, I’m okay with that.

I prefer purple pens anyway.

October’s been ass-kickery for me for many years. Dunno why – just apparently a weird place in the cosmic orbit for me.

Good thoughts to you all though!

And less coughing.



kittycat October 27, 2010 at 9:24 am

I love the fall colors and the crisper temps but I hate the cold. I am fortunate that in my area this year it has still been in the high 70’s. Which is awesome.

boo hiss , I dont want November cold to come just yet.


Eva @ EvaEvolving October 27, 2010 at 10:46 am

Man, oh man, you got more than your share of general crappiness this month. Here’s hoping November brings only good things!

PS – running out of mechanical pencils? I totally get it.


Linda at Bar Mitzvahzilla October 27, 2010 at 1:13 pm

I love that you got busted at the Botox clinic. Could you perhaps have just been getting a facial peel? :)

Also, I have a chin zit too. I only get the one zit, in the exact same location, over and over again. AND I’m 50. You’d think I’d be done with this stuff…

Hey, are your daughters going to recuperate in time for Halloween? (Somehow I think they’ll manage that!)


Sarah @ Momalom October 27, 2010 at 5:13 pm

Um, so I probably don’t have to remind you that I’ve had a similarly sucky October. Broken arm. Croup. Snot. Death. Yup. Suckage.

I’d like to say my hopes are high for November, but really? November just means cold and brrr and coats and even more suckage.

Where is the goddamn bright side here, mama? Cause I’m needing one right about now.



TKW October 27, 2010 at 7:33 pm

*trying desperately to channel a bright side*…turkey and stuffing? Wait, I hate turkey and stuffing. Snowy mornings? Eww, I hate snowy mornings. Dark evenings when you come home to a comforting stew? Stew sucks. Clearly, I am the capital “A” in the assholery that’s going on this month. I just want to kick everything.


Velva October 27, 2010 at 8:28 pm

November will be much better!


FatFighterTV October 27, 2010 at 10:30 pm

Man, oh man, you have had a rough October! And I thought I had it bad because the wind blew over our full length mirror and shattered it. Then I decided that since the wind broke the mirror, the 7 years of bad luck shall be with the wind and not with me.


LJ October 28, 2010 at 12:54 pm

I can share the sentiment. I got that same croupy crap the first week of October. It was so bad by the 3rd day that my trachea swelled shut from coughing. I had to leave my husband here with my son, and drive myself to the ER. I showed up, lurched in the door, fell on the floor all messed up. They got me in the back, jammed some epi in me and I passed out. Then they gave me a fantastic(NOT)shot of solumedrol(steroid) that jacked me up worse than I was when I showed up…..they shoulda just let me die. LOL Then my kids all got it and are now playing ping pong with it.

October can step off, truly. And it’s my favorite month of the year, too. Such a shame.:(


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