Guest Post: Dana’s Butt

December 21, 2012

Hello, Readers!

Dana’s butt reporting for guest posting duty!

I’d love to stay and chat with you longer, and cheer you up with some witty banter, but the last month has been hard on Ye Olde Backside.

I blame the cat.

That howling bucket of fur caused ButtGate #2, if you recall. I am still not healed.

Then that howling bucket of fur decided howl at 3 in the morning, promting the 90-year old hooker  Dana to lurch from her bed, stumble down the stairs and snatch The Howler to place in a closed basement. The Howler, peeved at this gesture, chomped firmly down on her hand.

Despite several doses of peroxide, the hand was disgustingly infected within 2 days. A trip to the local physician resulted in several syringes being stuck in Chez Moi. Butt as Pincusion.

I am mightily offended.

I am also off to plan my revenge on that darn cat.

 

I wish you Readers (and your collective butts) a happy few days!

Sincerely,

Ye Olde Backside

Post to Twitter

{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }

Jamie December 21, 2012 at 8:00 am

This is precisely why I hate cats. They are so grouchy! Hope the hand feels better. You should post a pic of it for us curious/scientifically minded folk ;)

Reply

TKW December 21, 2012 at 1:36 pm

It was a lot grosser yesterday and the day before. I think I missed my window of opportunity.

It looked exactly like the logo for Target–the white stuff was, gag–pus, and my hand swelled twice the size of the other. EWWWWW

Reply

Abby December 21, 2012 at 8:29 am

It’s Vodka o’clock. Get well soon!

Reply

TKW December 21, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Abby,

I will take your advice. Gladly.

Reply

Arnebya December 21, 2012 at 9:06 am

This here is some bullshit! Infection via pussy and needles in the butt? I’ve never heard of…wait.

Reply

TKW December 21, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Arnebya,

OH MY GOD. Peed my pants laughing!

Reply

Kate December 21, 2012 at 9:36 am

Damn. What a pain in the ass that cat is!

Reply

TKW December 21, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Kate,

You just went there, didn’t you? :)

Reply

Jane December 21, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Kate took the words right out of my mouth. Well…almost. I was going to say pain in the butt. But, yeah. Ass works much better.

Hope your ass is back to its perky self soon!

Reply

TKW December 22, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Jane,

How are you? Miss you.

Reply

Lisa @ The Meaning of Me December 21, 2012 at 7:32 pm

The Rotten Cats are ashamed at the behavior of their fellow feline. They wish your tuchus and hand fast recovery. At least one of them is in major trouble, though, for keeping me awake all night meowling and digging at the carpet.

Reply

TKW December 22, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Lisa,

The Rotten Cats have a new member…

Reply

Privilege of Parenting December 22, 2012 at 12:41 am

A post from the place where the sun don’t shine on the day when the sun shines least of all must toll the bell of rising spirits, healing backsides and cats that better watch the F-out.

XO

Reply

TKW December 22, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Bruce,

Wanna help me make kitty stew?

Reply

Contemporary Troubadour December 22, 2012 at 4:39 pm

I am SO sorry to hear Aria went apeshit on your hand. That is two thousand kinds of wrong on top of the broken butt. Sending you healing vibes and wishes for the good drugs.

Reply

Mary Lee December 24, 2012 at 8:06 pm

Oh no! I hope you’re well enough to help Santa! The Minxes have been very good girls this year. I’m sure Santa will come through for them.

I hope there will be photos!

Merry, merry Christmas to everyone but the cat.

Reply

S in AK December 27, 2012 at 6:59 pm

I may have seen something, or heard a story, or read an article somewhere–once upon a time, far, far away, and oh so long ago that it may never have actually happened–that has led me to believe that cats find it somewhat annoying (harmlessly, yet wildly humorously so) when scotch tape is anchored to the bottom of as many paws as you can grab and tape before they realize something untoward might be happening . . .

Reply

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: