Hello, Readers!
Dana’s butt reporting for guest posting duty!
I’d love to stay and chat with you longer, and cheer you up with some witty banter, but the last month has been hard on Ye Olde Backside.
I blame the cat.
That howling bucket of fur caused ButtGate #2, if you recall. I am still not healed.
Then that howling bucket of fur decided howl at 3 in the morning, promting the 90-year old hooker Dana to lurch from her bed, stumble down the stairs and snatch The Howler to place in a closed basement. The Howler, peeved at this gesture, chomped firmly down on her hand.
Despite several doses of peroxide, the hand was disgustingly infected within 2 days. A trip to the local physician resulted in several syringes being stuck in Chez Moi. Butt as Pincusion.
I am mightily offended.
I am also off to plan my revenge on that darn cat.
I wish you Readers (and your collective butts) a happy few days!
Sincerely,
Ye Olde Backside
{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
This is precisely why I hate cats. They are so grouchy! Hope the hand feels better. You should post a pic of it for us curious/scientifically minded folk ;)
It was a lot grosser yesterday and the day before. I think I missed my window of opportunity.
It looked exactly like the logo for Target–the white stuff was, gag–pus, and my hand swelled twice the size of the other. EWWWWW
It’s Vodka o’clock. Get well soon!
Abby,
I will take your advice. Gladly.
This here is some bullshit! Infection via pussy and needles in the butt? I’ve never heard of…wait.
Arnebya,
OH MY GOD. Peed my pants laughing!
Damn. What a pain in the ass that cat is!
Kate,
You just went there, didn’t you? :)
Kate took the words right out of my mouth. Well…almost. I was going to say pain in the butt. But, yeah. Ass works much better.
Hope your ass is back to its perky self soon!
Jane,
How are you? Miss you.
The Rotten Cats are ashamed at the behavior of their fellow feline. They wish your tuchus and hand fast recovery. At least one of them is in major trouble, though, for keeping me awake all night meowling and digging at the carpet.
Lisa,
The Rotten Cats have a new member…
A post from the place where the sun don’t shine on the day when the sun shines least of all must toll the bell of rising spirits, healing backsides and cats that better watch the F-out.
XO
Bruce,
Wanna help me make kitty stew?
I am SO sorry to hear Aria went apeshit on your hand. That is two thousand kinds of wrong on top of the broken butt. Sending you healing vibes and wishes for the good drugs.
Oh no! I hope you’re well enough to help Santa! The Minxes have been very good girls this year. I’m sure Santa will come through for them.
I hope there will be photos!
Merry, merry Christmas to everyone but the cat.
I may have seen something, or heard a story, or read an article somewhere–once upon a time, far, far away, and oh so long ago that it may never have actually happened–that has led me to believe that cats find it somewhat annoying (harmlessly, yet wildly humorously so) when scotch tape is anchored to the bottom of as many paws as you can grab and tape before they realize something untoward might be happening . . .